


The Light Goddess

by Sysanet



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, Gen, Magic, Multi, Paranormal, Romance, Supernatural - Freeform, historical vaguely
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-22 05:59:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 34
Words: 40,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11961174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sysanet/pseuds/Sysanet
Summary: "The Light Goddess, something my sister deemed me when the hunters marked her. I'm not the infamous Goddess my sister is, but I have a story as well..."-------------------------------------------------------A Character blog that will be updated the 14th and last day of every month. Mature content warning. Explicit content warning. I recommend reading it alongside 'The Dark Goddess' for an even more enjoyable experience.





	1. The Beginning -- The Year of the Twin Goddesses 3025 BC Bast

**Author's Note:**

> **Trigger Warnings for later chapters include, rape & graphic violence.**  
> I'm additionally updating this story every Tuesday until my Ao3 version is caught up to my Figment version.

* * *

 

                Though the desert has held civilizations longer than any other land, there was a time when life there was young. Life in Kemet was still young when mother gave birth to my sister and I. Our father was a High priest and we were born with emerald colored eyes. Our people were very religious and believed our eye colors along with our polarized hair colors, mine was white and my sister's black, marked us as the twin goddesses born in mortal form.

                My sister was named Sekmet for the Goddess of fire, healing, war, vengeance, childbirth, and travel. I was named for Bast the Goddess of the Sun & Moon, life, and warfare. She had a few more domains than I, but that was okay. It meant less work for me.

                Our father wasn't the most paternal of men. On his orders we were separated mere days after our birth. Sekmet remained in upper Kemet and I was sent to Lower Kemet. In our separate temples, we would be raised as Earthly stand-ins for the Goddesses. Our word was said to be theirs. Every day we would be bathed, dressed, and painted, everything we wanted would be given to us. Well...almost everything.

                Comfort such as that came at a high price. We wouldn't truly know freedom or love. We wouldn't even really know how to use our 'power' for many years. But... that'll be known as I tell my side of the story. I will start with a meeting that would shape much of my life...

 

**_3013 BC_ **

 

                Though we had been separate since birth, Sekmet and I still held a strong connection to each other and admittedly I believe I was more dependent on her than she was on me. But in her stead, I had Rabiah. She was my trusted hand maiden. If not for her, I doubt I would have been able to stand the red months without my sister.

                The first time it happened, I freaked out. I screamed and thought I was dying, but Rabiah calmly explained to me it was perfectly normal for a woman. Which made me feel better because it meant I was finally a woman. And a few months later and I began to notice boys.

                Ah, boys. My priests had wanted to limit the amount of men I saw so there wouldn't be any temptation. Well, I can't say they were wrong, but I wasn't happy about it.

                "Rabiah, do you ever plan on getting married?" I asked my hand maiden.

                "Someday if my goddess allows it," she replied as she brushed my hair out. I never wore wigs since my natural hair was white, so the priests said it would be blasphemous to cover it.

                "I would never deny you that happiness," I assured her with a smile.

                "Why does my goddess ask?" she inquired suspiciously.

                "No reason," I lied and stared ahead of me. Rabiah didn't pursue, but she knew I wasn't being honest. I could never really lie to her, but she never called me out. Though I was never certain if she didn't out of fear or out of respect... I choose to believe it was out of respect.

                "Goddess, it is time you meet your new guards," she informed me once my hair was styled. "A few of them are a little older than you are. I do wonder what the priests are thinking," she said disapprovingly.

                "Only they know," I replied absent mindedly. Guards were male and some were around my age? I knew I shouldn't have cared, but it was difficult for me to shut down my emotions... harder to shut down my hormones.

                Rabiah summoned my litter carriers who then carried me into my meeting room. Why I couldn't walk there myself, I didn't understand at the time. My litter was placed down and Pili, my head guard at the time, started to introduce my new guards to me. It was important for me to know all of my guards so no one could impersonate any of them.

                To be honest, I don't remember most of my guards anymore. They only stood around quietly and rarely spoke to me for fear the head priest would have them castrated or killed. Their fears weren't unfounded, but it was still a little lonely. However, one guard was different.

                "Goddess, I look forward to defending you," Jumoke said, bowing his head when he was introduced. The guard beside at his side elbowed him, but Jumoke just smiled when he stood up.

                I was more than a little shocked. He was the tenth guard introduced and the first one to speak up to me. It wasn't until Rabiah cleared her throat that I realized they were waiting for me to respond.

                "Welcome to my service," I said, carefully hiding my feelings behind a calm tone. "I'm sure you'll make me proud."

                "I hope to," he replied before his friend elbowed him again. It was very hard not to chuckle at them. I noticed my head guard, Omari, shaking his head in disapproval.

                "Please forgive him, goddess. He is young and still learning proper respect," Omari apologized. 

                "It's quite alright, Omari. I find his attitude... amusing," I said with a small smile. "As long as he is not disrespectful, I see no problem with him speaking."

                "As you say, goddess," Omari said with a small bow. He dismissed the new guards to their respective posts. Jumoke was kept in room beside Omari so he could watch over his actions personally.

                It was very difficult to go about my day without glancing over at Jumoke. He was the only guard to speak to me and he was really cute. Even though I was distracted, I performed my duties well enough. I was able to listen to my followers and give the proper blessings. Some of my followers didn't make it easy to pay attention when they droned on in very quiet voices.

                At the end of the day, I waited anxiously to see if Jumoke would be one of the guards sent home or one of my overnight guards. To my delight, I discovered that Omari was planning on training Jumoke to take over as my head guard.

                I was young, so young and so blissfully naive. Such a fond time.

 

* * *

 


	2. Shador -- The Year I knew I didn't have to be alone. 3013 BC Bast

* * *

 

       Despite the great love I held for my sister, there were times when I resented her. Well... I resented being the one to live in Lower Kemet. Though neither of us held any love for our father, Ahmose, he was still a priest in Upper Kemet so my sister could at least see him every now and then. But that wasn't what made me resent our places.

       One day, a messenger came to my temple. He brought news that Ahmose had sired another emerald eyed child. A son. Which meant I had a half brother. But he was in Upper Kemet and he was to remain there and train as a priest of Anubis. For a reason I couldn't quite explain, I was crushed I wouldn't be able to see him for almost half a year... but Sekmet would be able to see him that day.

       I was reminded of how alone I was in Lower Kemet. In 'celebration' of my brother's birth my head priest declared my temple closed for the day. The last thing I wanted was a day off. My followers were the only way I could distract myself from my thoughts. But I was a goddess and I wasn't allowed to feel sorrow or hurt.

       So with a heavy heart, I allowed them to carry my litter into my room... like I could have stopped them.

       Just my luck that Rabiah had been feeling unwell so she wasn't allowed to serve me until she felt better.  I thought about the fact I shouldn't have been in danger, did goddesses even get sick? I guess that was my first clue I wasn't a goddess.

       In my room I sat, playing a game by myself and pondering my existence.

       "If you don't mind some company, I think I can provide better entertainment than that game," Jumoke said, startling me. He chuckled. "Forgive me, goddess, I didn't know you could be startled."

       Clearing my throat, I put on my regale air and spoke, "What are you doing in here, Jumoke? Is your post not beside Omari on the other side of the door?"

       "Someone is testy today," he said softly. His smile was going a long way in soothing my irritation. But I didn't want to let him know that.

       "Jumoke, I believe I asked you a question," I demanded half heartedly. I just didn't have the energy to muster false offense or anger, but I did want to know why he was in my room.

       "Omari is still guarding the door. We thought you had been really quiet for too long," Jumoke explained, still speaking softly. "You didn't seem to be your usual self... he allowed me to check on you."

       "What do you mean I wasn't myself?" At twelve, I thought I was a great actress and I could certainly fool most of my followers... just not a select few.

       "Well, your smile was different. And you seemed excited to hear about your brother, but then you looked kind of," he paused as if searching for the words. "You know, even gods and goddesses get upset sometimes."

       His bluntness continued to surprise me, still I wasn't about to just confide in him. He had only been my guard a few months and we hadn't really spoken.

       "What about the news could have possibly upset me?" I asked, trying to sound annoyed, but it came out curious.

       "I'm sure I wouldn't know," he replied and started to smile. "Am I supposed to leave or would my goddess enjoy some company? If you don't want to talk about whatever it is I don't expect you to."

       I looked away from him for a moment so I could think about what I really wanted. Alone wasn't it, but I wasn't sure if Omari would have a fit or not... what did I care? I was a goddess! But I still didn't like to upset Omari or Rabiah.   _'But if Omari minded, he wouldn't have let Jumoke in here,'_ I reasoned with myself.

       "You may stay. If your company is indeed enjoyable, then I won't demand you leave later," I replied evenly.

       "I'll do my best to be entertaining for you," he promised and sat down on the other side of the Senet board.

       He picked up a few of the sticks and looked at the board.

       “May I start the game over, goddess?” he asked me politely.

       “Bast,” I corrected him. “When we’re in here, call me Bast.” Jumoke’s forwardness was a nice change of pace and I really didn’t want to hear ‘goddess’ during the entire visit. However long that was going to be.

       “Bast,” he said with a smile. “May I start the game over?”

       “Yes, you may,” I replied with a smile. I watched while Jumoke cleared the board and put everything in place for our game. It was the first time I had ever had company in my private chambers, not even Sekmet had ever been in there.

       "Do you play this game with yourself often?" he asked me as he held the sticks out so I could go first.

       I tossed the sticks and answered, "Yes. When I visit with Sekmet, she and I play some before we have to be prepared for ceremonies. Occasionally Rabiah will play a game with me, but for the most part I play by myself."

       "Why?" his tone was innocent, but the question cut deep and reminded me of my isolation. There had been a time when I had asked the very same question.

       "No one wishes to play games with a goddess," I answered quietly, repeating what Rabiah had told me. "They fear if they win, I will have them punished. None of them wish to lose on purpose. They also fear if they say something offensive on accident, I will have them punished. Most would rather keep their distance and remain safe."

       "Then it sounds as if most are cowards," he replied as he took his turn. When he spoke, he sounded almost angry, "I have never seen or heard of you having such unhealthy pride or arrogance. Our people must not really think highly of their goddess."

       "No one has ever said anything like that to me," I said, still unsure how to take his bluntness.

       "I imagine there are many things no one has ever said to you," he quirked with a smile. Jumoke looked up and caught my gaze with his own. "If you are ever bored or lonely and wish for company, I will be there. No one as kind as you should be forced to be so alone."

       His words touched my heart, but I knew he only offered friendship. And friendship was really all I could accept. But that would be enough... for a while.

* * *

 


	3. Hope - The Year I gave myself some. 3011BC

* * *

 

      A few years went by. Sekmet and I were close, but I hadn't really grown as attached to Shador as she. I loved him, but sometimes they seemed more like mother and son than brother and sister. Surprisingly, I was never jealous of that. In part, I believed she needed to have that bond more than I did.

      I believe some people find it easier to love than others do. Sekmet's heart had always been closed off. Though we both cared about our people, she was more reserved. She was also far more restless than I was.

      On the other hand, I found it very easy to love others. Sometimes it was a folly of mine. But my first love wasn't a folly...

      Though Omari always escorted me to Upper Kemet, whenever I was home Jumoke was in charge of my safety. I had tried to keep up a wall between us, but it wasn't an easy feat. He had a warm smile, too much understanding, and tried too hard to get through my wall.

      "Good morning, Goddess," he said with a smile as he watched Rabiah tend to my morning painting.

      "Is there any reason you are in my chambers, Jumoke?" I asked him, trying not to seem amused. Rabiah gave me a look of approval, but Jumoke just had a smile that said he knew what I was hiding.

      "Omari wanted me to inform you he will be escorting a visitor today," he explained, but his smile was fading. "The pharaoh's son is coming to visit you. I wonder what he could want."

      Both Rabiah and I knew what Jumoke's tone said about his feelings.

      "Jumoke, regardless of the future pharaoh's intentions, our goddess will remain pure," Rabiah's tone held both reassuring and a warning. "She cannot know the touch of _any_ man."

      "I know, Rabiah. It will just put the temple in an unfavorable position if his ego is insulted by her disinterest," Jumoke explained, trying to shrug off her warning.

      "No, it will put _him_ in an unfavorable position with his father," I cut in. I let Rabiah drape my top over me to cover my chest and stomach, though since the fabric was sheer there was little point to it. But that was the way of our people, the wealthy wore sheer garments.

      "Oh? May I ask how?" Jumoke inquired as respectfully as he could.

      "The pharaoh will not appreciate his son trying to defile one of the goddesses," I explained. "It would cause unrest with the priests and the people. Pharaoh is not so arrogant he is unwise."

      I held more respect for our pharaoh than I did my father, but that wasn't really saying much.

      "I will trust your judgment on the matter," Jumoke reluctantly relented. "Not that I really have any choice..."

      "Jumoke," Rabiah spoke in a warning tone. "I do hope you are not becoming inappropriately attached to our goddess."

      "Isn't being protective of her favorable?" he replied in a noncommittal fashion. "I would never dare sully our goddess. But you must forgive me, Rabiah, if I do not enjoy the idea of other men thinking they can. Their arrogance and ego really piss me off."

      "Jumoke!" she chastised. "Your language!"

      "Forgive me, again," he apologized with a sigh.

      "You are forgiven for your transgressions, Jumoke. Make an effort to stifle your vulgar language in the future," I said with a small smile. "Rabiah, I will await the prince in my private greeting room. See to it that appropriate food is prepared."

      "Yes, goddess. I will send for your guards shortly," she responded and bowed. As she left, she shot Jumoke a dirty look.

      "Jealousy doesn't suit you," I said once we were alone. "I'm not sure you should be allowed in the room with the prince."

      "Bast, you wouldn't forbid me," he said warmly, trying to sway me. "I promise I'll keep my mouth shut."

      "And your sword sheathed?" I asked, shaking my head. "Jumoke, you have no claim over me. I can't ever allow you to."

      "Yeah, well neither does he," Jumoke grumbled. Softly, he asked, "Do you have feelings for him?"

      "He and I are friends, but that's it," I replied softly. I placed my hand on his arm. "I cannot allow myself to care for any man."

      "Do you not care for me?" As he asked, he stared into my eyes. I wanted to say no. It would have made things so much easier. But I did have feelings for him...

      "You are one of the most important people in my life," I answered honestly. "Which is why I can't let you do whatever you want. If you say anything to offend him then the prince can have you killed."

      "I would gladly give my life for you." Jumoke began to lean closer to me, but stopped. He straightened up and stepped away from me. "I am content to remain by your side. Should I call the other guards to carry the litter?"

      "It's so unnecessary," I complained. "I am perfectly capable of walking there."

      "Now, now, Goddess," he chided. "You shouldn't tire yourself. You are very fragile."

      Jumoke laughed at the dirty look I gave him. He quickly escaped to summoned the other guards. I wished we didn't have to be separated by our stations, but we were. Though I didn't believe I was in love with him, I knew we could be happy together. And in those days, that was all one usually hoped for.

      I allowed them to carry me on the litter. Once we were in the greeting chamber, Jumoke took his place amongst the guards at my side. The prince arrived and proved Jumoke's fears were for nothing.

      "Goddess, I am sorry to visit without prior warning," he apologized. "I am-- you see--" the prince fumbled over his words.

      "Please, have a drink and calm down," I offered him. Rabiah brought a wine cup and gave it to the prince.

      "Thank you," he said politely. There was silence as he gathered his nerves. "I have met a wonderful woman. I wish to marry her, but I'm afraid my father will disapprove because she is a peasant. I request you bless our union. If we have your blessing, then he can't refuse us."

      Genuinely surprised, I wasn't sure what to do. If I blessed the marriage and it angered the pharaoh, what would happen? Looking into his eyes, I knew I couldn't turn down his request.

      "If you promise to make each other happy, you may tell your father you have my blessing," I said as regally as I could.

      His eyes lit up and he began thanking me profusely. Giving this prince his chance somehow gave me hope for Jumoke and myself. It was my first step towards my own form of rebellion. My first of many.

* * *

 


	4. Qiang - The Year I met the monster. 3009BC

* * *

 

       Sixteen. An age where women were married, having children. And me? Oh, I was blessing their marriages and their pregnancies. All the while having to put my own desires for a husband and children aside. Specifically, my desires to be with Jumoke and bare his children.

       To his credit, he never complained. Whenever I complained, he would listen to me with an understanding look, but he wouldn't say anything. I guess Jumoke just didn't know what to do or what to say without making me feel worse.

       I was blessing my followers when I felt a stabbing pain in my chest. Something was wrong with my sister. I always felt when Sekmet was upset or hurt, it didn't happen often, but when it did I always felt powerless to help her.

       "Goddess?" Jumoke's concerned voice called from my side. I waved him off and looked back to my next guest.

       He was... different. His hair was black like most natives of Kemet and like his eyes. But he was paler than anyone I had ever seen. And his eyes were more oval, narrower even, just to name a few differences.

       If that wasn't enough to give away he was a foreigner, his clothing definitely did. He wore layers that overlapped and seemed to be held together by a belt. The fact he was foreign didn't bother me. However, there was a look in his eyes that sent chills down my spine. And not the chills I liked.

       "Good evening, goddess," he greeted me, he words tinged with his accent.

       "What is it you ask of me?" I inquired politely. I wanted to be rid of him as quickly as I could. Even if I didn't find him creepy, I wanted to return to my room and send a messenger to Upper Kemet to check on my sister.

       While the pain had subsided for a bit, I could feel a different kind of distress from her. One I had never felt from Sekmet before, but that reminded me of when I was younger and I first discovered my attraction to boys... though that sensation didn't last for long before the pain returned...

       "I have come with offerings for you. I ask for your blessings on my journey," he said, distracting me. But he wasn't done there. "You truly look like your sister and yet not at the same time."

       "You've seen the Goddess Sekmet?" I asked, both interested in why he brought it up and worried for her safety.

       "Yes, I have. I began visiting her temple four years ago," he explained with a polite smile. "I was finally able to travel to Lower Kemet this year to meet with you. I am only upset I had not been able to make the trip sooner. You are everything people say and more."

       Becoming uncomfortable, I glanced to Jumoke and Omari. I was used to heavy praises, begging, and the occasional emotional breakdown. I was pretty confident in my ability to judge character, but with this man there was something more to it. He didn't... _feel_ right.

       "Your praises are appreciated. Your offerings are sufficient for my blessing," I said evenly. "What is your name?"

       "I am Qiang," he said with what I assume he thought was a charming smile. "Qiang to the goddess."

       I didn't exactly understand why he introduced himself that way and it didn't do anything to endear him to me.

       "You are blessed, Qiang. You may leave now," I told him.

       Qiang didn't look very pleased with me. But he didn't say anything further. He stood up and left. As he walked out of my door, I saw an image of him and Sekmet in my mind. The pain in my chest tightened, though I didn't understand why.

       Omari announced that Qiang had been my final visitor for the night. My litter was carried into my private chambers and I was left with Rabiah, Jumoke, and the usual small army of servants who would bathe and dress me for bed.

       Once my nightly routine was complete, everyone left... except for Jumoke.

       "Are you okay, Bast?" he asked as soon as we were alone. "You seem shaken by something."

       "Something is going on with Sekmet," I told him, not even trying to hide feelings. "She was hurt and then upset. She seems more okay now, but... I also..." I trailed off.

       "You what?" he asked gently, kneeling beside me.

       "I saw something," I whispered to him. "I saw Qiang... and Sekmet... but... I don't know what was going on. It was a fast vision. Whatever it was, I couldn't feel any good coming from it, Jumoke."

       He took my hands in his and caressed them with his thumbs. I didn't often have visions, but when I did, they always came true. And they were usually a warning, though there were a few good premonitions... I knew this wasn't one of them.

       "Do you need me tonight?" Jumoke asked me quietly. He let go of one hand to reach up and stroke my hair.

       He always offered me comfort without asking for anything in return. It was one of the things that made keeping him at a distance so hard. No matter what I tried to do, I seemed unable to keep that wall between us.

       "If you don't have prior arrangements," I said quietly. Despite how sincere his feelings were, I always feared that he would someday become impatient and find a woman who could give him everything he needed and everything he deserved.

       "I will never have prior arrangement," he reassured me.

       Jumoke sat down beside me and pulled me against him. I felt his chin on my head as he stroked my hair. This was as close as we ever got. He would hold me while I listened to his heartbeat until I fell asleep. Then he would lay me down and in the morning, I would find him passed out with his back against the side of my bed.

       Many would worry that he took advantage of me when I slept, but I knew better. I would have been able to tell if he could through the light around him. Everyone had a light around them, all different colors. I could see the lights and I could read them.

       Qiang's light had been faint and cold... I didn't think he was human... but I would leave all of that for the next day.

       Until then, I took comfort in Jumoke's warm red aura and his warm arms. I loved him, but I believed I would never tell him. Still, he could probably tell. Which was why he held me until I slept.

* * *

 


	5. Goodbye - The Year Jumoke left. 3009BC

* * *

 

       My messengers had returned with little news. I learned that Shador’s primary guard, Akhom had passed on and that Sekmet had momentarily mourned for him. Though the messenger said her mourning had been short, I knew better. I had felt her pain.

       As for the other feelings, I learned a foreigner had visited her. Not Qiang, but one with golden hair and eyes. And though he had been foreign, his name was of Kemet origin. It seemed to me he was a half-breed of sorts. Half Kemet, half something else.

       My messenger didn’t catch his name and unless I saw him myself, I wouldn’t be able to tell exactly what kind of man he was or if he had a deeper connection to Sekmet in the future. For a while, I would put him from my mind and not worry about his visit to my sister. I had a few other problems of my own to attend to.

       For instance, Jumoke's impending departure from my temple. Yes, I know he is involved in almost every entry to my story. Did my world revolve around him? No... but he was the only one who really knew me. Most of my remaining memories from Kemet involved him.

       A messenger had arrived from one of the neighboring lands. He was a bit darker than many of my guards and his hair was long and flowed in thick strands down his back. His fashion was similar to ours, but I recognized it as belonging to one of the older tribes who lived along our borders.

       "I bare offerings to the goddess, Bast," he said while he motioned to a basket filled with gems and fresh food. I nodded my approval and waited for him to state his reason for visiting. There was a tight ball in my stomach, warning me I wouldn't like his news.

       "You may speak," I said in a calm and steady voice when it became obvious he wouldn't speak without my verbal consent.

       "My chief is honored that his son has gained such a favored position in your guards," he began with a somewhat shaky voice. I knew what was coming, I couldn't explain it, but I knew what he was going to ask. Dread began to consume me as I realized I knew _who_ he was going to ask for.

       "And who is this son you speak of?" I asked, allowing myself a tiny amount of denial.

       "Prince Jumoke," he answered quietly.

       I saw Jumoke tense from the corner of my eyes, but I managed to keep my reaction hidden from everyone.

       Recently I had asked Jumoke more about his past. He was from one of the neighboring tribes, presumably the one this man came from. He told me about his older brother who would take over when their father died. He also told me about how he volunteered to be my guard so that his father would be able to show the Pharaoh a gesture of peace by giving his youngest son to Kemet's service.

       I had listened to him speak for hours about his childhood and his family. His mother had wanted him to stay, but Jumoke wanted to leave. He had been tired of living in the shadow of his older brother, knowing that he would never be able to better him. I could understand, though I couldn't really relate.

       I wished this messenger was bringing good news or some message from Jumoke's family about how happy and healthy they were. Or that he was simply going to tell Jumoke how proud his family was of him. But my stomach told me it wasn't something that would make me happy.

       Still, I had to face it stoically, like a goddess of Kemet should. Jumoke was just a guard... or so that was the front I had to show everyone else.

       "Jumoke has earned a very prestigious place amongst my guards. Is there something you wish to share with him directly?" I asked, seeing that this messenger was going to stall as long as he could.

       "The chief and wife wish to see him return to their home. His brother has gone missing in battle and they have no other son to carry on for them," he explained hastily, bowing his head as low to the ground as he could. "Please forgive my chief and his wife for asking. They are grieving over the loss of their first son and just wish to preserve their bloodline."

       I watched Jumoke tense even further. His knuckles were practically white against the spear he was holding.

       "I will consult with Jumoke on his decision," I replied evenly. "I am sorry for their loss. You will have your answer tomorrow morning. You may rest in the temple for the night." I offered to him.

       "Thank you, goddess. Thank you for your mercy and understanding," he tearfully replied. No doubt he had feared my anger. Goddesses of vengeance tended to have vicious reputations... even if we did nothing to earn them.

       As the messenger left, Omari announced that I had no other visitors for the day. No doubt he was giving me and Jumoke time to talk... I often appreciated Omari's insight and wished more of my guards had his wisdom.

       My guards carried my litter back to my room. Everyone was silent as I was disrobed and bathed. I had grown so used to Jumoke's presence that I couldn't imagine any part of my day without him. And if he was going to go back to his family... he would eventually have to marry.

       Once I was prepared for bed, my other guards and servants left. Jumoke and I remained alone. I sat on the edge of my bed while he stood against a column, staring at the floor.

       "Why did you leave it up to me?" he asked in an almost accusatory tone. "If you had denied his request, then I would have to remain here and there's nothing they could ha--"

       "I would not do that to your parents. Not after they've lost a son," I shot back, cutting him off. "I'm not going to let you hide behind me, Jumoke. Your family needs you."

       "Do you just want to get rid of me then?" The hurt in his voice was almost tangible.

       "No," I said as calmly as I could. "Why are you so angry? Do you want to abandon your family?"

       "No--yes-- I don't," he growled in frustration. Jumoke closed the distance between us and pressed his lips to mine. I didn't move for all of a second before I reciprocated his kiss with as much fervor as I could.

       When our kiss broke, he knelt before me, resting his head against my shoulder. I was both touched and surprised by his sudden need to touch me.

       "Bast, I want to be with you. I love my family, but they'll expect me to marry. I'm not my brother, my parents know that. I'm not very good at being diplomatic, my social skills suck," he explained to me calmly while I stroked his hair. "Being here with you is where I belong."

       "But what about your tribe. They need a leader," I whispered to him, trying to ignore my own feelings.

       "He said my brother was _missing_ ," Jumoke said with hope. "He's not dead. His head would have been sent back if he was. They just need to find him."

       "Then go until they find him," I suggested, but my voice was cracking. "If you’re certain that he will be found, then go and comfort your parents until he returns."

       "And while I'm gone will you find another favored guard?" he accused playfully, though I could sense his jealousy.

       "Of course not. No one could replace the ever arrogant Jumoke," I tried to tease him, but I ended up breaking down. "You will return to me. You promise you will?"

       "If I have to travel a thousand worlds to find my brother I will return to you," he vowed, shifting to hold me against him. "You are my goddess, Bast. But more than that, you are the one I love. No other woman will ever be able to outdo a goddess."

       His words went a long way in soothing me. And as he always did when I was upset, he remained by my side until I fell asleep. And in the morning, I had to say goodbye to my outspoken and arrogant prince. To the man I had grown to love. 

* * *

 


	6. Vow - The Year he made his. 3006BC

* * *

 

       Three years I waited with no word. I won't lie, for a sizable portion of those years, I was depressed. The only times I was truly happy were when I would visit Shador and Sekmet. Our little brother was growing up into the cutest boy and I loved playing games with him. Like me, he enjoyed mentally challenging games and seemed content with his place in life.

       But not even my sister and brother could fill the hole Jumoke had left. Call me shallow or desperate, I just craved a different kind of love.

       One day, shortly after our nineteenth birthday, I was in my greeting room, blessing visitors as I usually did. Omari informed me I had a regal guest coming. I nodded absently and allowed them to carry my litter to my private greeting room.

       I realized something strange was going on when Omari signaled the rest of my guards to leave. I hadn't ever received anyone by myself. I watched Omari curiously, but his expression gave nothing away.

       Shortly, a prince was escorted in. My heart began to race and I couldn't stop myself from smiling when I saw him. Omari quickly escorted Jumoke's guards out as I stood to reach him, but Jumoke had already closed the distance between us.

       I returned his tight hold. Jumoke held on so tightly, it seemed he thought I would vanish if he let go.

       "Jumoke, I have missed you," I said, stating the obvious. "I was beginning to fear I would never see you again."

       "I'm sorry it took so long," he apologized, loosening his grip enough to look down at me. A tender look that warmed my heart. "My brother was harder to find than I thought. It was a very long trip, but I found him. I told you I would."

       "I know you did, but," I stopped, afraid I would cry again. I had cried enough during his absence. "Forget it. I am just happy you have returned."

       "As am I," he whispered. Jumoke leaned his head down and kissed deeper than he had before. "I know it's only been three years, but you look much more like a woman than the last time I saw you," he teased me with a smile on his face. "You know, it's unnatural for a man to have gone as long as I have without ever really tasting a woman."

       "Priests do it all the time," I teased him back even though I was conflicted. Denying him was not what I wanted, but it was my duty. "You know we can't, Jumoke."

       "I know," he admitted wistfully. "But I dream of you. You're the only woman I want, Bast. But... I know my place as you know yours. Still, it's nice to dream, isn't it?"

       "If only dreams could come true." I sighed as I leaned against him, content to enjoy as much as our stolen moment would allow.

       "I want to show you the world outside of this temple," he said as he started to stroke my hair. "There are so many wonders out there and you are content to sit here and miss them all."

       "I am content to not torture myself with desires I can never have," I defended myself with the same argument I gave to Sekmet every time I saw her. "Well," I admitted reluctantly, "There is one unreachable desire I allow myself."

       "Is he tall, dark, handsome, and charming?" Jumoke asked lightly, his lips lingering over mine. "No matter what happens, Bast, I will remain by your side for the rest of our lives. I will never touch another woman, no matter how depraved I become."

       "How noble of you," I whispered back. My heart was both touched and tortured by his words. I kissed him, letting our kiss deepen until we had to separate.

       That night, I didn't allow Jumoke to stay in my room. I didn't trust myself around him yet. I had missed him too much and I was growing too comfortable with the idea of being his.

       While I tried to sleep, a creeping sensation came over me. I didn't understand it, I stood up and paced the room. Dread began to consume me as my soul began to feel violated. My breathing became rapid as I started to panic. My pacing became more frantic as I tried to push the hands away from me. Invisible hands that I couldn't touch.

       "Bast," his frantic voice cut through my panic. "Bast, calm down."

       I felt familiar arms wrap around my body. At first I fought against him, hitting his shoulders. He didn't hold me tightly, he loosened his grip and waited for me to push away, but I didn't.  I fell back into his arms. Arms I realized would keep me safe.

       He whispered gently to me, reassuring me over and over that I was okay, that I was safe. I realized Jumoke must have been standing guard with Omari. I could hear footsteps rushing around, probably looking for my invisible assailant.

       "Bast?" Jumoke whispered uncertainly. "What happened?"

       I took a few deep breaths to allow my nerves to calm and my thoughts to gather.

       "It felt like someone was grabbing me," I began to explain. "I couldn't stop them. I couldn't push them away. Their hands were all over me, touching and groping."

       "You're okay, Bast. But..." he paused, glancing around. "When I came in, I didn't see anyone. I only saw you shoving at your arms and body."

       "I can't explain it, I just fe--"

       "Shh," he cut me off. "I believe you. Something I discovered in my travels were creatures that live with magic and prey on victims at night. All I am saying is that whatever attacked you, might not have been human."

       "Whatever attacked... me..." My entire body froze as I realized what happened. "Not _me_. _I_ wasn't the one being grabbed."

       "Bast you're not making--" Jumoke stopped short as he looked past me. "Sekmet. You think she's in trouble?"

       It wasn't my panic I had been feeling. Something had Sekmet and it was doing... well she wasn't happy with what it was doing to her.

       "She's not in danger, but she's not okay," I reasoned, knowing I hadn't felt any pain, just a lot of unpleasantness.

       "Do you want me to go find out what happened?" he asked me softly, knowing how worried I would be until I knew.

       "No. I want you here," I said, too quickly. Not wishing to seem uncaring, I explained. "I love my sister, but she has her own guards. I will send a messenger to find out what happened if I can. It's possible... she has done something she might regret."

       "What would she have done to cause such panic?" Jumoke asked me, unconvinced.

       But I knew my sister. Whenever I visited lately our conversations almost always focused on freedom. On her desire to take me and Shador away from our prisons in Kemet. I worried that she had bargained for more than she realized. Then again... maybe Sekmet knew exactly what she was doing.

       Maybe I had just underestimated how far my sister was willing to go to get what she wanted. It wouldn't be the last time Sekmet surprised me with the price of what she desired.

       I had remained silent with my thoughts for too long, because Jumoke felt the need to speak up.

       "Bast, let me stay with you." When Jumoke spoke, he wasn't requesting.

       "Jumoke, we can't... you know what our relationship will always be," I replied with a small sigh.

       "Our relationship is that I protect you," he said sternly. "I cannot protect you from your sister's mistakes from the other side of that door. Whatever she is involved with, she doesn't know it affects you. And until you admit it to her, you need me here to keep you grounded in your own pain and happiness."

       "You make a good argument," I relented with a bit of relief. "You may stay... but as you used to. By my side, not in my bed."

       "Of course, goddess," he consented and escorted me back to my bed. I guess no matter how much I wanted things to, some things never changed. 

* * *

 


	7. Comfort - The  Year I gave some to my people. 3006BC

* * *

 

       The first thing I learned to do after _that_ violating experience was block out Sekmet's feelings.  Never before had I wanted to be disconnected from my sister, but I decided I would rather remain ignorant of some of her activities.

       I also began to decide what it was I wanted in life. What I felt was realistically within my power to gain. Messengers were beginning to deliver stories of how my sister was taking charge of her temple. I assumed she had given up certain fears because of whatever she had gone through that night.

       Somehow, I wanted to follow in her footsteps, but I lacked the confidence to go about it the way my sister did. I would never tell my guards off so I may go roam amongst my people. Then again, I didn't need to do things the same way my sister did.

       In order to set my desires in motion, I summoned the head priest to my temple. He came in, not nervous at all. Of course he believed he had no reason to be nervous, what did he have to fear from a false goddess? And I did believe he was fully aware of our falsehood.

       "You summoned for me?" he asked impatiently. Oh yes, a goddess needing to speak with him was a giant inconvenience.

       "I trust you've heard about Sekmet's recent changes," I asked him with a stoic expression.

       "Yes. It seems she has gained quite a bit of favor in the past few weeks," he stated, still impatient and unsure of my reasons for the discussion.

       "And yet, I'm not gaining in favor with my followers, am I?" I let myself begin to sound irritated. "Do you think I enjoy looking inferior to my sister?"

       Finally, his annoyed expression shifted to one of confusion. I had never spoken in a disrespectful tone before, but he couldn't exactly question my behavior in front of my guards.

       "No, I would imagine you wouldn't enjoy it," he replied hesitantly. "But, you have never shown any interest in being compared to the Goddess Sekmet before. I am uncertain as to the source of your discontent, goddess."

       I sighed impatiently and leaned back in my throne.

       "I have no interest in being lesser than my sister. Until now, we were equal. However, if there is a large difference, what would happen?" I asked him with as much patience as I could give. Or so I made it seem.

       He took a few moments to think. Slowly, realization dawned in his eyes and confusion gave way to irritation again. This time, however, his irritation was in my favor.

       "Your followers would begin to lose respect for you," he surmised. "They would think you cared less for them than the Goddess Sekmet does. Power would become imbalanced. Forgive me for not seeing this problem sooner."

       "I summoned you to ask for your advice," I said, returning to my neutral demeanor. "I would not like my followers to feel they mean any less to me than they do to my sister."

       "We should have you escorted around to meet with your people," he suggested. "And present them with small celebrations."

       "Those are things my sister has already begun to do," I reminded him. "Are you sure they would not assume we were merely copying her acts?"

       "Perhaps we could also give food to some of the hungry and house the ill?" The way he made his suggestion made it clear he didn't think I would agree. How little he knew of me.

       "Those sound like excellent ideas," I said happily. "Omari, please make sure we start on them right away."

       "Of course, goddess," Omari replied as he directed a few guards to carry out my orders.

       "Godde--"

       "Is there a problem?" I asked innocently. "Your suggestions were very helpful. Are you not pleased to have helped your goddess?"

       He didn't seem to know how to respond. The priest met my gaze and we stared at each other in silence for a very long time before he slowly seemed to accept what had transpired.

       "Always a pleasure to help my goddess," he said softly as he bowed and left my greeting room.

       My head was light with giddiness at having played my hand so well. My litter was carried to the entrance of my temple where it was gently placed on the ground. Carefully, I stood up and breathed in deeply.

       Jumoke stood beside me, making it obvious he was a guard willing to kill or be killed for my safety. While part of me was concerned the crowd could read his intentions, I was confident he was only so readable to me because I knew him so well.

       For the first time in my life, surrounded by my guards, I walked the streets of my city. Never before had I seen the people from that level. Never before did I realize how much bigger than me most of them were. I knew my guards were kind of tall, but I was apparently on the short end... or I was just young.

       People gasped, ohhhed, and ahhhed, but they all looked happy. I could hear the whispers around me.

_'Goddess Bast has blessed us with her presence.'_

_She really does care about us.'_

_I wonder if we will be given celebrations and protection.'_

_'They've finally stopped hiding in their temples.'_

       Thoughts like the last one gave me pause. Our people had assumed we were _hiding_ in our temples. They honestly hadn't felt like we truly cared for them. Goddess or not, the people believed in us and looked to us for blessings. I would make sure they never again doubted us.

       "If you are ailing and need shelter, you may come to my temple and find a place to rest. If you are hungry, I will ensure we have food to spare," I announced as loudly as I could.

       Cheers erupted around me as they began to accept that what I planned to do was as real as what my sister was doing in Upper Kemet. In time, they would stop whispering about her and stop being envious of her followers.

       That was what I wanted. For my people to be as happy and cared for as Sekmet's. Our people deserved some comfort and peace.

* * *

 


	8. Cost-- The Year I learned Her price 3005BC

* * *

 

       As with every year, it came time for me to travel to my sister. It would be our twentieth year. Normally, I was elated to visit with my sister and brother... however I had a few plans for that visit. And those plans made me very anxious. Not even the gentle motion of the litter in motion could ease my nerves.

       Walking beside my litter was Jumoke. He and Sekmet had never met each other before and that meeting was the main source of my anxiety. The other was finding out what exactly happened to my sister when we were sixteen. In the three visits we had since then, I had never gathered the courage to ask her.

       Though I did not feel comfortable in the outfit I was required to wear for the ceremonies, I dutifully wore the shear garment. It would have been an insult to the very gods that I complain about the modesty of an apparel. Especially in a society where there really wasn't much modesty to begin with. Though I knew _we_ weren't gods, I didn't doubt they existed.

       My make-up had been painted on from head to toe in the usual black cat theme. My skirt was dyed red and the gold I wore in bracelets, anklets, necklaces, and collar was worth enough to buy a small country. With the exception of my breasts being visible to the world, I did love to wear all the make-up and jewelry. And I never needed a black wig since hiding my white hair would have been an insult to _me_ , but they did have a special white one made. _Joy._

       I felt my tent and my litter stop. The slaves carrying it lowered my tent, and then four of them entered to carry my litter. Though a bit excessive, I must confess I always enjoyed being pampered and treated so well. Especially when there were many worse ways I could have been forced to live.

       Once I was set down, I eagerly stood and walked to my sister as quickly as a goddess should walk. Though I wanted to hold her close, I resisted. The priests would not let us hear the end of it if we needed to redo our paint. Still, we risked a little smudging and held each other’s hands.

       “Oh Sekmet, it’s so good to see you,” I proclaimed with relief, looking her over. "I have had a sinking feeling all year. If not for Jumoke's constant reassurance you were safe, I would have made them hold the ceremony many months sooner."

       “I am safe,” Sekmet replied, avoiding my unspoken question.

       I could tell by her expression that she knew why I was concerned. Sekmet could have her time to open up to me. Patience was ever my virtue, so I left it at that.

       “Jumoke,” I spoke in a sweet tone that warned him I was about to give him an order that might cause trouble with the priests. “I do think this year I am going to require more than a day here.”

       “Are you certain, Goddess?” Jumoke asked, his tone practically dripping with the hope I’d change my mind.

       “Yes, I am very certain,” I replied in a softer tone, giving him a smile I knew he couldn’t resist. “It won’t be more than three days though. Do send a messenger to my high priest for me?”

       After giving me a small displeased look, he bowed his head and began giving orders to the guard beside him. Of course he wouldn’t leave my side to find a messenger, I should’ve known better. Jumoke was probably going to be over-protective until we left or discovered the source of my sickening feeling.

       Sekmet’s eyes reflected her curiosity as she watched me. We walked to her private chambers. She motioned to her guards to wait outside. A new freedom neither of us used to have.

       "You certainly seemed to have a reign over your temple," Sekmet commented with a mixture of pride and concern in her voice.

       "I have you to thank for it actually," I confessed as I fidgeted with part of the wig I wore. I knew if not for her demands at her temple, I wouldn't have made the ones at mine.

       "Oh?" Patience was not one of Sekmet’s virtues and her tone was beginning to reflect that.

       "When I heard the rumors you were taking charge here, I decided I should take charge of my temple as well." As I explained my story, I gained more confidence. "Only I wasn't nearly as brave as you were to bluntly defy my servants and guards. Instead, I figured out the priests were very accommodating whenever I would ask them for things if I worded it more as a request than a command."

       "And what if you wanted something you know they will deny you?" Sekmet asked. She was playing at something, I just wasn't sure what.

       "Those take more work. But if I talk to them a few times before, I've found I can convince them it was their idea. Usually," I explained as I made myself comfortable on some of Sekmet’s exquisitely soft pillows. I considered asking her if I could have one or two, but that would have to wait until later.

       "You are a clever one," Sekmet said beaming with pride. Wishing I could be proud of why she suddenly took control of her temple, it was time to finally learn the truth.

       "And what of you?" I asked, letting demand sink into my tone. "You are what inspired me to take a larger role in running my temple, but what made you decide to?"

       "Restlessness. I was just tired of performing morning ceremonies and then doing nothing to really help any of our people. We constantly accept gifts and what do our followers get in return?" she replied with an irritated tone. I knew her irritation wasn’t directed at me. At least her motivation was justifiable, that went a long way in relieving me.

       "A lot more now," I said cheerfully, thinking of how much happier my own followers had become. "I think the weekly festivals have really helped to put our followers in Lower Kemet at ease better than just my blessings."

       The air tensed as a long silence settled in between us. Sekmet was watching me, but her mind seemed distant. Patiently, I waited to see what it was she wanted to say... or to ask. But as the silence drew on, the memory of the night I felt her violation began to creep in and I couldn’t wait any longer.

       “What is it, Sekmet?” I let my concern pour through my words.

       "Have you ever thought of leaving Kemet?" Her voice was so quiet and hesitant that I barely heard her and I was almost certain I misheard her. But then, I can’t honestly say I was too surprised.

       "What?" I asked in disbelief, despite being guilty myself. There were times I considered leaving so I could love Jumoke, but I had never thought it a genuine possibility. "Actually," I reluctantly admitted. "I have. But we can't. Sekmet and Bast are too important to our people. If we just abandon them, they'll be crushed. They'll claim the gods have forsaken them. Or they'll go the other extreme route--"

       "And they'll say we were impostors and hunt us down until we're punished and burned for our blasphemy," she finished my thought for me. Still, she persisted. "But what if we could? What if there was a way to leave and appease our people? Would you?"

       "I would go anywhere you lead me, Sekmet," I stated with conviction. I trusted my sister more than I probably should have. Still, I was protective in my own way and knew getting her to do what I want would require compromise and conditions. "But if I don't think it will work I will _not_ let you do it."

       "Bast, there are things out there that aren't mortal," she whispered. "Creatures that can give us the power to claim our freedom."

       "And what price do these creatures want?" I mimicked her whisper. Dread crept its way up my spine.       

       "Don't worry about--"

       "What did you do, Sekmet?" I cut her off, finally demanding the answer to a question I held in for too long. The mask of calm she wore couldn’t fool me when she looked away. I had a sneaking suspicion if I looked into her eyes I’d see the guilt and shame I was certain she felt.

       "He wants me. That's all, Bast." She dismissed, her usual confidence slowly edging back into her demeanor. "I agreed in exchange for power and freedom that he could have me."

       "And you're okay with this trade?" Reaching over, I lifted her chin so she would have to look me in the eyes as I pressed her for the truth.

       "Bast, he has the power to take me whether I like it or not. But if he's going to use me, I'm going to get something out of it," she said, determined and stubborn. Though I knew there was a hint of shame in her eyes, I saw the flames of her conviction. She would never change her mind.

       "And how long does he want you?" I asked, knowing she would go with or without me. It wasn’t her choice anymore and she was convinced it was what she wanted. Maybe it was. My sister had never looked at love and sex the same way I had... judging her on my feelings would’ve been wrong.

       "I don't know. He won't grant me the immortality until we're twenty-five. Some weird rule of his bloodline." She lay back against her pillows, seeming to relax after I showed some support of her plan.

       "Alright. We need to figure out what kind of power he'll grant. Then we can figure out how to use it to appease our people." Shifting, I laid my head down on her shoulder as I suggested our best plan of action. "I wish you hadn't taken the price on your shoulders. I would share it with you."

       "Bast, I could not bear it if you did.” Sekmet placed her arm around my shoulders as she said, "I'm not sure you could either."           

       "Are you saying you're stronger than I?" I demanded, offended she considered me to be so weak.

       "No. I'm just different. And I believe the way I'm different makes me better at handling Qiang. Have you ever loved a man?" Sekmet asked calmly.

       "I believe I have become overly fond of one," I admitted sheepishly, thinking of my personal guard. Maybe she had more of a point than I wanted to believe. "I would not want to do anything with a man I didn't love. If we were even allowed such luxuries. Have you?"

       "There was one I thought I might. He had dark skin and golden hair, darker than yours. But I haven't seen him for years,” she confessed in a quiet voice. “I don't mind the idea of using sex for personal gain. It is what slaves are used for anyway."

       "You are not a slav--"

       "But we are, Bast. We are slaves to our temples, slaves to our gods. One day, I will take us all away from this." Sekmet cut me off, revealing a view I certainly did not share with her. But... there was one other I could not ignore who was practically a slave and his freedom was important to both of us.

       "Shador too?"

       "Yes. And no one will be able to control us again.” Sekmet vowed.

       "Can we see Shador?" I requested, missing my little brother and wanting to see his innocent smile.

       "Nakia," Sekmet called loudly, hurting my ear. The older woman appeared in the doorway. In a more polite tone, Sekmet requested, "Will you have someone escort Shador? Bast wishes to see him."

       "Of course, Goddess." Nakia was very cheerful in her demeanor. Sekmet must have treated her very well.

       "Alright, enough of this. It's time to be happy and enjoy your visit," Sekmet said, giving me a small hug. "We both need to be washed and repainted."

       I chuckled, knowing our servants wouldn’t appreciate that, but they would be patient with us. Sekmet’s proposition was terrifying, but also thrilling. Though I hated the price she was paying, I felt that if I didn’t appreciate what she was doing it would make it worthless. For her sacrifice, I would be happy. And maybe... maybe Jumoke could come...  


* * *

 


	9. Freedom -- The Year we learned we'd never agree 3005BC

* * *

 

       My sleep was disturbed by a rather rude sister pushing me from her shoulder. There was a strange, eerie feeling around my neck I decided to try and sleep through. Alas, Nakai and Sekmet began to speak and even though they were whispering, I couldn’t get back to sleep.

       I decided to listen in on their conversation.

       "Goddess," Nakai spoke quietly. "I have prepared your bath. Would you like me to add your usual oils?"

       "Yes, I would," my sister replied just as quietly. "Let them sleep until they wake themselves. And have breakfast prepared for all of us."

       "Shall I send word to Anubis' temple?" Nakai asked hesitantly. "The priest would not appreciate Shador shirking his duties." I wasn’t sure what the source of her hesitation was until Sekmet replied.

       "Shador will not be shirking his duties. He is to serve the Gods. Anubis will not mind sparing him one day to serve two Goddesses of War," Sekmet said, providing Nakai with an excuse to give the priests.

       "As you wish, Goddess." Nakai said and I assume from her tone had bowed.

       Nakai was very respectful to my sister, who spoke kindly as she gave commands to her servant. There was an unspoken respect and understanding between the two that reminded me of Jumoke and myself. That is without the romantic or sexual tension of course. She hadn’t questioned Sekmet’s decision so much as seemed to ask for an excuse. The insight into my sister’s daily life was reassuring.

       Once they had exited the room, I sat up and stretched out my limbs. Shador must have been disturbed by my movement because his eyes opened and he looked up to me with a smile... until he looked around and realized that Sekmet was missing.

       “She’s being bathed and prepared for the day,” I told him in a gentle tone. “Would you like to play Senet while we wait?”  At the offer of a Senet game, Shador’s eyes widened. He jumped up from the pillows we were laying on and practically ran to set up the board.

       My pace to the board was slower, but no less enthusiastic. We each had pieces set up around the board. On our turn, we would toss sticks to determine how many spaces around the board we could move. In order to win, the goal was to gather all of our pieces first. I wasn’t a bad player, but Shador seemed to have unnatural luck with the game whenever we played.

       “Shador, there’s,” I paused. Shador was only eight, still several years away from puberty or anything resembling manhood to our people. Plus he was our baby brother. We should have been protecting him, not dragging him into anything. Yet, I had to see if somehow he knew anything Sekmet didn’t. “There’s something I need to ask you.”

       “What is it?” Shador asked as he waited to finish his turn. Unlike Sekmet, Shador had already shown signs of sharing in my gifts of intuition. There were times I swore he was able to see and understand things not even I could.

       “Have you seen anyone around that made you feel uneasy?” I asked, hoping to get a little more information about the man Sekmet made a deal with.

       “Maybe,” he said. Shador remained silent until my expectant stare seemed to get to him. “There’s a man who visits the temple with a cold feeling. I think he’s a monster. There was also a golden man who came once. He’s like us.”

       “Like us?” I asked, letting the monster subject drop since Shador seemed to move past it.

       “Divine,” Shador said as if that explained everything. “But I don’t think he has powers like you and me. I think his are like Sekmet’s.”

       “Sekmet has powers?” I couldn’t hide the hurt from my tone. Had she shared her gifts with Shador, but not with me?

       “Don’t tell her!” he said quickly before he calmed his tone. “Sekmet doesn’t believe anymore, but I know she has them. They’re just different.”

       Feeling less hurt, I asked, “And how do you know all this?” Was this all from the priests? Who was teaching my brother super natural subjects my sister and I seemed denied? Did he just know?

       Suddenly uncomfortable, Shador shifted in his seat. “Can we keep playing?”

       Letting the subject drop, I nodded to him and he continued his turn. A little while later, Sekmet returned completely naked and unabashed. I doubted I would ever be comfortable walking around anyone without some sort of covering.

       One of the servants came over to us to inform me my bath was ready. I looked to Shador and promised him we would finish our game after breakfast. Our conversation had left me with more questions than answers. The most pressing of which was the source of Shador’s knowledge. How could one so young know so much about things no one else could teach?

 - - - - - - -

       As usual for festivals, we had been dressed in white linen skirts, large golden collars, and sheer fabric linked from under the collars and tucked into the skirts. There was all manner of golden jewelry on our arms, ears, and legs. I would have preferred less skin showing, however we were goddesses and modesty was beneath us. Or so they kept trying to teach me. At least the body paint I was decorated with was black and offered some covering. As usual, Sekmet was symbolically a golden lion and I, a black cat.

       Shador was dressed in a white linen skirt and large collar with some arm bands. Unfortunately, we couldn’t let him wear the golden ones or be painted without offending the priests. Rather ridiculous considering he was the brother of two goddesses.

       Before the celebrations began, Sekmet and I performed our yearly ritual. We would mirror each other in a figure eight and then our morning rituals to the beat of the music played around us. After our dance was completed, our people bowed and then had a moment to praise or pray to us silently. After the moment passed, the music grew louder and the festivities began. We were escorted back to our seats where we could let the crowd’s noise mask our conversation.

       "Shador, would you like a seat?" I asked him, attempting to sound indifferent and failing.

       "No..." he said a little distracted. Though I wanted to keep my brother close, the way his gaze never strayed from the crowd was a good indication he didn’t exactly wish to be chained to his sisters on display.

       "Would you like to go out there?" I asked with a smile.

       Wide-eyed, Shador looked between Sekmet and myself as if asking permission.

       "Jumoke?"  I called. His name had barely left my lips before he stepped into my vision. He had likely anticipated my request. "Would you take Shador to enjoy himself?"

       "Anything for you, my Goddess," he replied with more affection than he should have. There was a silent promise exchanged that he would protect my brother for me.

       "Jumoke, huh?" Sekmet barely waited until they were out of hearing range before inquiring in a tone mixed with suspicion and accusation. "Maybe there's a reason you're so content being a Goddess."

       "Sekmet!" I exclaimed, feeling my cheeks heat up. "Jumoke is only my bodyguard."

       "I didn't say he was more," she teased me. Though she feigned innocence, I could read her intent. "Maybe someone will confess her crimes before they are even known."

       "We're not- it's--" I gave up with a sigh. She had duped me into a reaction. "I wish. But we are Goddesses. We're to remain pure and we certainly cannot take husbands, lovers, or any interests in men."

       "Yet, we can't stop that, can we?" She asked, a little distracted by her thoughts, but I was too wrapped in mine to inquire.

       "No, we can't. He's so sweet, Sekmet. And intelligent. We talk whenever there are no visitors to the temple," I confessed, speaking as quietly as possible. "Jumoke never fails to cheer me up when I'm down and the first few times I tried to assert my authority, he backed me up. But, I can never be his and he knows that..."

       We fell into silence as I once again faced the hopelessness of our love.

       "Does he plan to marry another?" Sekmet asked, assuming what I’m sure she thought was the worst thing he could do.

       "If he were, I think I could hurt and then heal. However, he's taken a vow to his Goddess. He will not marry and he will serve me until death," I explained, both proud of his commitment and hurt that he would be just as lonely as I by the arrangement.

       "And you can't turn his vow away without shaming him," She finished for me. "I'm sorry, Bast."

       "Don't apologize," I said softly, looking into the crowd with a sudden need to see him. "Because even if we can't be together, sometimes it's nice to pretend. To have those little stolen moments to believe we could have had a normal mortal's life. But that's ungrateful, isn't it?" There were so many who had worse lives than we did. "We're so much better off than many. We're well fed, taken care of, we worry and want for nothing."

       "Except freedom," Sekmet interjected, which seemed silly considering how little freedom others had.

       "Would we be any freer out there?" I reminded her in an even tone. "Goddess, mortal, at least as Goddesses we're safe and respected. Our cage is a better price than the one our freedom will cost."

       "That my sister, is something we will never agree on."

       Of course, she was right. Freedom and its cost was never something we agreed on. 

* * *

 


	10. Acceptance - The Year I let my destiny shift. 3005 BC

* * *

 

       The curtains of my temple fluttered from the gathering winds. Hurried voices directed preparations for a sandstorm someone had spotted heading our way. I wasn’t worried, part of me sensed the storm would pass by us. Unlike the storm brewing around my sister’s fate.

       Falling into the plush pile of pillows, I stared up to the ceiling. My thoughts felt trapped within the folds of the fabric. Hidden and smothered at the same time. Sekmet had felt so trapped by our lives she sold herself to the first buyer willing to fulfill her wish.

       I released a deep sigh of frustration. Why couldn’t she just be content with our lives? They weren’t perfect, but they were better than selling herself to a monster… weren’t they?

       “You seemed troubled,” Jumoke gently stated the obvious. Feeling his weight sink into the cushion beside me, I rolled over and laid my head in his lap.

       “You spoke of seeing monsters in your travels,” I hesitated with my question. “Were there any that could give someone power? Monsters in human form?”

       There was silence between us for a time. During the silence, I thought of when my sister could have met such a monster. One who would have preyed on her desire for freedom after gaining enough trust to have a private audience. My ignorance frustrated me. I sighed and shifted further onto my side. Jumoke’s gentle fingers combed through my hair, easing my tension enough for me to enjoy his comfort.

       “There are many monsters who take human form. Many of them even begin as human.” Though Jumoke tried his best to sound casual, I could hear the underlying worry in his tone. “You have been uneasy since you met with your sister. Has she made a deal with such a monster?”

       “Perceptive as always,” I tried to tease him, but my heart wasn’t in it. “She has assured me she can handle the cost of her deal. Of course, I trust her to know her own limitations. Sekmet has her faults, but she wouldn’t put our brother or me in danger. I just wish I knew where this power we’re supposed to get is coming from. Having the power to leave Kemet is very---.”

       “Wait,” Jumoke cut into my rambling and gently turned my head to face him. “Leave Kemet? I’m having very mixed feelings, but are you saying your sister has made a deal with a creature who will give both of you power to leave Kemet? What does that even mean?”

       Jumoke was terrible at hiding his feelings even when he tried and right then, he wasn’t trying. I could see the hope mixed with fear as he stared into my eyes, searching for answers to both questions he asked and questions he kept to himself.

       “I don’t know the details,” I admitted, looking away from him. “All I really know is that Sekmet made a deal with someone she says isn’t mortal who promised to give us the power to leave without upsetting our people. This deal concerns me, but if we really could leave… would you come with me?”

       Before I could turn to gauge his reaction, Jumoke had moved my head from his lap and quickly pinned me between his arms, his chest above mine, not touching, but close. Heart racing, breath caught, I could only stare up at this unexpected reaction from him.

       “Would I come with you?” he asked incredulously. Practically shaking with excitement, he continued, “Bast, if we leave Kemet then we could be together. We would have no need to keep this wall between us. Leaving without angering your people? If such a thing were possible, of course I would come with you.”

       “You support my sister’s deal then?” I asked him, barely containing laughter. As if suddenly realizing our new position, Jumoke’s eyes widened a little. I expected him to pull back, instead his face shifted into an expression I couldn’t read.

       “That’s a difficult question,” he replied cautiously. “I support leaving here. I support her protecting you. If she is at peace with the price, then I cannot argue against her decision. However, I need to know, if we leave Kemet, will you be mine? Here, I can live with my vow to remain by your side as your humble servant. If we leave, if we have a chance to be together—if for some reason you don’t want me,” Jumoke paused, closing his eyes and looking away from me. “I don’t know if I could handle that.”

       Instead of answering his question with words, I reached up, cupping his cheeks. When he once again faced me, I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders, pulling him towards me as I leaned up towards him. Our kiss was sweet, simple, and lasted long enough to ease Jumoke’s fears.

       Laying back against my pillows, I smiled up to him.

       “If you can wait a few more years, then we can be together. We’ll place our trust in Sekmet and believe our dream can come true,” I said, willing to let my concerns go for a time and daring to hope Jumoke and I could be together.

       “A few more years?” he asked in mock outrage. “Why is she waiting? Does she enjoy her own chains so much?”

       I rolled my eyes at him and pushed Jumoke back. He sat up, returning to a sitting position beside me.

       “It’s a weird requirement of the deal. To wait until we’re twenty-five.” The question sent my mind to doubt again. I wanted to know everything I could before then, but I didn’t even know how to go about finding the information. “Sekmet also said he would make us immortal. And the requirement was a bloodline rule.”

       “Enough for tonight,” Jumoke commanded, wrapping his arms around me from behind. “There is a sandstorm coming and tonight you should worry about staying safe. Tomorrow I will go out and search for all the information I can find on immortal bloodlines who give power to beautiful young women.”

       “You think Sekmet is beautiful, do you?” I teased him, leaning against his chest. Jumoke’s scent and warmth surrounded me. Nowhere else did I feel as safe or loved than in his arms.

       “How can I not? To deny her beauty is to deny yours,” he defended himself with a taunt in his voice. “Though there are a few differences. Her breasts are not quite as large as yours. But she seemed to have a little more padding to sit on.”

       “Jum—“ I slapped my hand over my mouth, hoping no one heard my yell. Quickly we separated, him laughing the whole time. “I can’t believe you would—you!”

       “I’m sure every guard and citizen who has seen you two together can state the same observations,” he dared to say calmly without a hint of guilt. “Besides you’re the only one I stand up for,” he added with a sultry tone that brought a red tint to my cheeks.

       “You’re such an ass,” I said and threw a pillow at him. “You’re sleeping outside of my room tonight.”

       “A punishment I will endure for offending my goddess,” he said with a flourished bow. “I love you.”

       Allowing a small smile to form, I sighed and motioned him back to my beside. He took his usual place beside me and held me until I fell asleep.

* * *

 


	11. Identity - The Year I learned the Monster's 3005 BC

* * *

 

       Unease haunted me throughout the day. Early that morning Jumoke had gone out to make inquiries for me. Though I trusted my other guards to protect me, I couldn’t shake the foreboding feeling in the back of my mind.

       As usual, I tried to distract myself by diving into my work as a Goddess. As dusk began to fall, the number of followers visiting me dwindled. Impatience for Jumoke’s return added to my discontent. He was supposed to return before dark, yet he seemed determined to worry me.

       The hairs on the back my neck stood on end. In walked a foreigner who seemed a little familiar, but I couldn’t quite place from where. Stranger still was the cold feeling I sensed from him. Very unlike the warmth I could sense from all others who visited.

       “Greetings, Goddess,” he said with a wide smile and small nod. “It has been a long time since I last visited.”

       Slowly nodding, I tried to place his pale face when suddenly his identity shot to the forefront of my memory. The memory of a vision that explained Sekmet’s distress and the identity of her immortal benefactor. Distrust and suspicion began to cloud my judgment of him.

       “Qiang? It has been many years, hasn’t it?” I commented neutrally, irritated at myself for ever forgetting about this visitor and the vision he had brought. “I presume you have continued to visit with the Goddess Sekmet?”

       “Yes,” he responded with a smile I couldn’t stand. “I visit her temple frequently. I thought perhaps it was about time that I pay my respects to you as well and once again ask for your blessings on my travels.”

       “How magnanimous of you,” I replied with a practiced tone, keeping the sarcasm from my voice. I glanced at the pile of gold and silk he presented to me. “Your offerings are sufficient for a blessing. Do you plan to visit me every few years?”

       “No, dear goddess,” he replied, his smile somehow sickeningly sweet. “I do believe the next time we meet will be under very different circumstances. For now, I take my leave with your blessing.” Qiang bowed his head before standing and departed the room, passing Jumoke who was on his way in.

       I saw Jumoke stop and watch Qiang leave, hand on the hilt of his sword the entire time. Jumoke walked up to me, bowed and then took his place by my side.

       The guard at the entrance of my temple signaled that there were no more visitors for the day. My litter was carried to my room, where I calmly allowed my nightly routine to take place. Once my attendants left, Jumoke entered.

       “He was here before,” Jumoke stated.

       “Yes. I suspect he is the creature my sister has made a deal with,” I replied, slowly pacing my room. “Was your excursion of any success?”

       Jumoke didn’t answer immediately, causing me to pause my pacing. Looking over to him, I curiously examined his thoughtful expression. Usually, Jumoke didn’t hesitate to answer my questions, but he seemed lost in thought.

       “A mixed bag,” he admitted. “I did hear of some immortal creatures, but nothing beyond the gods themselves that could grant immortality. If that foreigner was the creature your sister is entangled with I’ll have to widen my search. He may not be a creature our people would know about. Luckily, I think I know how to go about finding out.”

       “Is that all that troubles you?” I asked quietly, gently placing my hand on his shoulder.

       “Did you try to read him?” Jumoke asked, placing a hand over mine.

       “Not in depth,” I confessed. “After the vision I received last time, I wasn’t keen on seeing anything he and Sekmet may have done. Why do you ask? What about him stood out to you?”

       “But you did have a shallow read?” Jumoke insisted. “How did he feel?”

       “Cold,” I replied, seeing I would need to budge before he would. “Not like he gave off cold, but rather like he lacked warmth. I’ve never felt anything like it from anyone else.”

       “You’ve never been around the dead,” Jumoke said, leading me to sit down. “I’m sure he looks alive to most, but he wasn’t… breathing right.”

       “Dead?” I sat down on my bed, Jumoke took a seat beside me. “But his lips weren’t blue and his tongue wasn’t swollen.”

       “That’s very true,” Jumoke said uncertainly. “There was just something about his eyes. They didn’t reflect life to me. I don’t know if I could explain it well. But if he is some living, but dead creature.” Jumoke’s voice lowered, his tone becoming troubled. “That’s means you’ll probably become something like that. Will I have to let you die?”

       Jumoke’s trouble gaze met mine, but I couldn’t give him an answer. Because I didn’t know. I had no idea about the details of Sekmet’s deal. If we were to be bound to Qiang or to become what he was. Terror gripped my heart at the idea of dying for power, dying for a freedom I wasn’t fighting for, but even if I died… Qiang was somehow still alive. Maybe it wasn’t such a terrible fate.

       “Would you be able to?” I asked, keeping the trepidation from my voice. “If that’s what it took for us to be together?”

       Jumoke looked away from me, the strength of his stare could have burned a hole into my temple floor. Taking a deep breath, Jumoke leaned back on my bed.

       “As long as you came back, I could be strong enough to lose you for a little while,” he responded, falling the small distance onto the bed. “But I would feel dead until you returned.”

       “Then I’ll have to return and bring you back to life,” I replied with a smile. I laid beside him, my hand resting on his chest.

       “We’re not even sure that’s what will happen. Perhaps he is just a creature of the afterlife, able to alter the lives of mortals. What makes you believe I would need to become what he is?”

       “Just rumors of undead creatures plaguing the northeast,” he responded. Rolling to his side, Jumoke leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek. “I’m afraid I will need to leave for a few days to get the information I need. But I will return.”

       “You’re leaving now?” I asked, watching him stand.

       “This is too important to wait,” he called back. “I will return, my Goddess. I always do.”

       I watched rush off. Part of me knew he was holding something back, but since he never had before, I assumed it was with good reason. One of my other guards entered my room and bowed. He would take Jumoke’s duty of guarding me from my room. But I never slept as well without Jumoke there. Cliché as it seemed, no one could take Jumoke’s place.

* * *

 


	12. Ramses - The year I met the golden man. 3004 BC

* * *

 

       It had been almost a year since Jumoke started searching for information on Qiang. We were confident he was a creature known as a Blestemat. And that he would at least turn Sekmet into one, but more likely she and I would become one. There wasn’t much information on how one became a Blestemat, but there were plenty of warning against looking for them. Somehow, knowing they were highly feared creatures gave me a strange comfort.

       Jumoke wasn’t convinced he approved of the plan and was more than willing to let Sekmet test the waters of immortality first. While I saw his willingness to sacrifice my sister as ruthless, he saw it as a fair compromise to let her face the consequences of her deal first. Arguing with someone who was right never ended well for me. Especially when he was as cute as Jumoke.

       Once again, I felt an uneasy twist in my stomach, but the unease was a new kind. Not one of foreboding, but one that promised something. My inability to understand my intuitive premonitions was beginning to frustrate me. Luckily, the source of my feeling walked into my temple.

       Though his skin was dark, his hair was golden, just like his eyes. A unique description I remembered my sister giving me when we spoke of desires. Curious as to why my sister’s crush was in my temple, I waited for him to speak.

       “Good afternoon, Goddess Bast,” he greeted with a strange arrogance I didn’t like. “My travels led me here and I have come to pay my respects.”

       I noted that he did not ask for my blessings. Unusual for a traveler bearing gifts.

       “What is your name, traveler?” I asked, keeping to the neutral tone that a goddess should maintain.

       “Ramses,” he responded cheerfully.

       “Permit me a question, Ramses,” I began, but his smirk stopped me for a moment. “Something humor you?”

       “Sorry, it’s just that your sister asks questions, too,” he said, inadvertently answering my other question.

       “So, you have paid respects to the Goddess Sekmet before?” I asked for clarity.

       Ramses’s smirk grew into a knowing smile. “She told you about me?”

       Instead of answering him immediately, I tried to read his spirit. Ramses felt warmer than anyone I had ever met. A strong soul with an aura that would have felt calming if I hadn’t been conflicted over his arrogant familiarity.

       Though I knew I wasn’t actually a goddess, I found I still expected the respect of one. And after becoming a well-respected figure amongst my people, I felt I earned it. Part of me thought I shouldn’t, but I did.

       “I assumed you could only make the comparison if you had seen her before,” I said, avoiding a direct answer.

       “Wise assumption,” he said, his knowing smile unfaltering. “I didn’t mean to distract you. You wanted to know something?”

       Despite his reminder, I drew a blank. All I could focus on was his smile and what it meant. What did he think he knew? What was his relationship to my sister? I couldn’t ask any of that in front of the guards and servants of my temple.

       “The pendant you wear. It’s not a holy symbol I recognize,” I said, trying to cover my mental block. “Do you just like snakes?”

       “This?” Ramses asked, lifting his pendant. His smile waivered, but quickly reformed. “My mother is a priestess of our goddess. Our people pray to her for help with illness and childbirth. This is her symbol, passed down through my family.”

       “You’re a priest?” I asked, admittedly curious. It could explain why he didn’t exactly act as if he believed we were goddesses.

       “In a manner of speaking. I am a chosen of my people’s goddess,” he clarified. Ramses phrasing was strange to me. He sighed and though his lips remained in the shape of a smile, it didn’t seem to reach his eyes. “I see your sister hasn’t told you about me.” His tone was cheerful, but forced.

       “Not directly,” I admitted, unsure as to why I felt the need to comfort him. “But she did speak of a man with golden hair and eyes. Light hair and eyes like ours tend to stick out in a crowd.”

       Ramses nodded, smiling a little again, but his mind seemed to have wandered away.

       “I have taken up much of your time,” Ramses said politely. “I ask your blessings on my travels.”

       “Your offerings are accepted. You have my blessings,” I responded with my usual routine.

       He bowed and left me with no idea what to think of him. A goddess’s chosen would certainly have a warm aura. Being raised with that kind of title could also explain his arrogance and why he spoke as if he were my equal.

       I was the goddess of my people and only my family were my equals. Ramses was not my family. Still, I couldn’t shake a feeling of importance that had surrounded him.

       Once I was done with my daily responsibilities and prepared for bed, I was left to myself in my room. Only Jumoke was there to keep me company and I found him to be uncharacteristically quiet.

       “Do you have something you want to say?” I asked, lounging on my bed.

       “Just thought you wanted time to think about Ramses more,” Jumoke replied in a tone I found hard to read. “What do you think of him?”

       “Are you jealous?” I asked in a vain attempt to tease him. Instead of being amused or friendly, Jumoke sat beside me and took my hand. “Jumoke?”

       “I’m not jealous. He has no interest in you, but I am concerned,” Jumoke explained as he looked over to me. “He’s not a monster, not whatever your sister made her deal with. I’m certain that is Qiang. Which means he could complicate matters.”

       “You think he would try to save my sister?” I asked and automatically dismissed the idea. “Why would he risk his life for her? He may be interested, but Sekmet doesn’t want to be saved. She wants freedom.”

       “Men do stupid things sometimes. Love and lust can be equal motivators,” Jumoke suggested and sighed.

       I rested my head on his shoulder. No matter our feelings on the matter, I knew Sekmet would not allow Ramses to rescue her. She was too stubborn, to set in her path. And deep down… I didn’t want him to stop us.

       “Sekmet will handle Ramses. She has already dismissed a future with him,” I promised Jumoke. “We get closer to the turning each year. When we’re free, what do you want to do?”

       “I’ll keep that to myself,” he said with a smile. “You’ll find out in a few years, won’t you?”

       I pouted at him, but didn’t complain. The more I thought about our fate, the more comfortable I was with it. Spending eternity with Jumoke made being a monster seem like a reasonable price. Women also do stupid things for love and lust.

* * *

 


	13. Home - The Year I knew mine. 3002 BC

* * *

 

       “What’s going on here?” I demanded when I saw Jumoke’s sword at my baby brother’s throat.

       “Your brother failing,” Jumoke responded easily. That charming smirk wasn’t going to get him out of a better explanation. “Just a bit of training.”

       “Why does he needed training with a sword?” I questioned as Jumoke helped a grumbling Shador up. “Shador is not a warrior and he is more than well trained with a bow.”

       “Bast,I-” Shador began, but held his tongue when Jumoke lifted his hand.

       “Because your sister is an insane, over-protective, control freak,” Jumoke replied and earned a dirty look from Shador and myself.

       “I asked him to,” Shador explained while he ignored what Jumoke said. “Since you won’t let me turn with you, I need a way to defend myself. And you in daylight.”

       I looked around, but my guards had refrained from following me into the room. Shador’s reasons were wise and though I didn’t agree with his phrasing, Jumoke also had a valid point.

       “And here I thought you were visiting because you missed me,” I responded in my best goddess voice. “You could have just told me you wanted to learn to fight. I have nothing against it.”

       “Except that I’m not a warrior?” Shador retorted with a cocky smirk. What happened to the sweet boy who wouldn’t make eye contact, let alone snark at me?

       “That was an overreaction when I saw a very sharp sword at your throat,” I defended myself, irritably. “How long has this been going on?”

       “About a year or so? Just when he delivers messages to Sekmet for you or when you come to Upper Kemet,” Shador explained while he twirled his sword around.

       “I have some matters to attend to and require my head bodyguard. If he’s not too busy trying to kill my brother,” I shot and began to leave the room.

       “If you never see me again, kid, it was nice knowing you,” Jumoke responded with a smile and followed me from the room.

       “Him, I understand, but you?” I turned on him, angrily whispering in the hallway. The other guards awkwardly pretended not to see us.

       “He can probably sti—“

       “Don’t change the subject,” I warned him. “Do you honestly think so little of Sekmet and my judgment you would hide training Shador from me?” I was unable to hide the hurt from my voice.

       “Hey, now,” Jumoke whispered. He lifted his hand towards my cheek, but quickly directed it to his hair. “Look, I wasn’t hiding it from you. You’ve been busy and Shador wanted to do it discreetly because the goddess blew up on some guy for offering Shador a bow. You know how she can get with him. I figured the kid had reason to keep it to himself. But I didn’t think you’d be so upset.”

       With a sigh, I looked away from him and let myself calm down. Part of me knew I was overreacting, but _why_ was the question. And it was a question that could wait.

       “Just be careful. Tough, but careful,” I relented. “He needs to know how to survive, but he also needs to survive.”

       “Do you trust so little in my ability with the sword?” Jumoke replied with that smirk I couldn’t stay mad at.

       Resisting a perverse response, I rolled my eyes and walked down the hallway. My guards all took up position behind me. Jumoke was of course was just a few steps away.

       “Some villagers have gone missing with no sign as to what has taken them,” I explained to all my guards. “We’re going to see if we can figure out what it is.”

       “Goddess, is that kind of danger something you should be directly involved in?” asked one of my newer guards, Asim.

       “Usually, I would send some of our warriors to investigate,” I explained calmly. “However, my power will be required for this venture to succeed. Don’t fear for me, we will be bringing along warriors as well as my own guards. Asim, can you send Lord Shador home?”

       “Yes, Goddess… would you like me to demonstrate the use of a blade… to him?” Asim asked hesitantly. I admit, I was impressed.

       “Don’t go easy on him.” Was all I said before Asim left to overlook my brother’s care.

       The rest of our journey was uneventful. I was carried in my covered litter until we reached the site. Once there, I was watched by the local villagers, but none came close to me.

       My guards kept their distance, none sure as to what I would do. Closing my eyes, I reached out with my essence to feel for the threat to my people. At first, I felt too much. Each person gave off a warmth I had to filter out. Finally, I found the warmth larger than any other. And it was speeding to us under the sand.

       “Jumoke, sand worms!” I yelled and backed away behind my guards.

       “Fucking Fuck of it all,” he swore and removed his bow from his back. “Here we go.”

       I watched the love of my life rush out into the desert, slamming his foot with each step. Suddenly he dove to the side, a giant worm shot from right where Jumoke had been. My other guards drew their bows, shooting arrows into the creature.

       Never before had I felt so helpless. None of my power would stop the creature. I wasn’t a trained warrior. But Jumoke was dodging the creature, skillfully landing every shot in the soft openings of the worm’s skull. Finally, the vile thing roared a painfilled screech and fell over. The impact kicked up a dust cloud that made it impossible to see Jumoke.

       My heart froze at the thought of him being crushed beneath the worm, but I pushed the image away. I could feel his warmth, I knew he was alive. Even so, relief flooded through me when I saw his silhouette strutting through the dust.

       “Not very dangerous if you know where to shoot,” he joked with the rest of the guards.

       The villagers offered their thanks to me and my warriors. They showered us with praise and insisted we join them for a feast to celebrate. We stayed to humor them, but it was by far the most welcome feast I had ever attended.

       I learned two things that day. Losing Jumoke would kill me. And my heart would never leave Kemet behind. Somehow, I would return to the land of my birth, even if only to visit.  

* * *

 


	14. Blestemat - The Year it's powers became mine. 3000 BC

* * *

 

       Relief flooded my senses when a very alive Sekmet welcomed me into her room. I instantly ran over to my sister and wrapped my arms around her. The moment she died, I felt an agonizing rip in my soul. Weeks had gone by without word until finally, Nassor had delivered a request for my presence. But she was back. She was alive. Waiting in her guest room until nightfall had done nothing to ease my mind.

       “I see it worked,” I stated obviously, trying to retain a calm in my voice I didn’t feel.

       “Better than we imagined,” Sekmet boasted with a wide smile. “And tonight, you’ll join me in immortality.”

       If I said the reminder didn’t make me nervous, I would be lying. While I considered my impending death and rebirth, Sekmet’s expression grew troubled.

       “It’s strange. I cannot read your mind,” Sekmet said as she stepped back from me.

       “Were you trying?” I asked her with a little irritation. Whether I was more irritated at her attempt or my lack of noticing I wasn’t sure.

       “No, a little,” she admitted uncertainly. “I’ve been hearing thoughts since I turned. Though I’ve been able to keep other’s out, I could tell you were concerned and so I stopped blocking you. But it would seem there is nothing to keep out.”

       Her explanation eased my concern.

       “The road to immortality scares me, but I know you will not let me perish,” I explained. “When do we start?”

       “So good of you to ask,” the accented voice of Qiang invaded the room. “Is right now good for you?”

       “Right now is fine, Sire,” Sekmet intervened, placing herself between us. I let her speak for me. I wanted as little to do with Qiang as possible.

       “Lay on the bed,” Qiang demanded. “And begin to feed. Remember, the brink. Just take her to the brink.”

       Sekmet respectfully bowed her head to him. Her entire body seemed to show respect and obedience, but I could feel her emotions. I could feel the resentment bubbling within her. Still, I remained silent and followed Sekmet to her bed.

       We sat down, my heart pounding. Though I trusted my sister, terror held a firm grip on my heart. But then… suddenly I felt calm. My thoughts began to blur together, a gentle hand leaned my head back. Before I realized what she was doing, Sekmet’s face neared my neck. A prick on my neck was the only warning I received before I felt my strength draining from my body.

       The feeling was somehow soothing, peaceful. I gave into it, closed my eyes against the silent world until there was nothing. The nothing didn’t last nearly long enough. My veins began to burn, my body itched uncontrollably. An insatiable hunger threatened to consume me. I was vaguely aware of voices around me.

       Someone nudged my lips open. Eagerly, I drank in the warm liquid and let it sooth the fire in my veins. My hunger was sated while my thoughts began to clear.

       “Don’t try to speak,” Sekmet said gently, her hand tenderly brushed my hair back. “Just take the world in a little at a time.”

       I nodded to her and laid back down with my eyes closed. Qiang was somewhere nearby, I could feel his presence like a quiet bee buzzing nearby. The familiar aura of my sister was far stronger and colder than it used to be. There was a faint beating that was both soothing and enticing. I used that gentle thumping to block everything else out.

       As the thumping grew closer, it quickened. A warm aura rushed toward me, suddenly arms pulled me into a firm embrace.

       “Bast,” Jumoke’s whispered in a tone tinged in fear. I wrapped my arms around him, enjoying the new intensity of his scent.

       “Take a few deep breaths before you speak,” Sekmet instructed gently.

       I opened my eyes to look up at Jumoke. Honestly, Sekmet’s concern about me talking was confusing until I realized I wasn’t breathing. So, I focused on my lungs to slowly inhale and exhale. Jumoke’s body relaxed in my arms with every breath I took.

       “I’m fine. Just adjusting,” I reassured them both. The world was far more vibrant than it used to be. The auras and sounds were things I had practiced to block out before I turned. But the new bold colors were going to need more adjusting.

       “The sun will rise soon. Tomorrow night we’ll talk more about your new powers. For now, I’m going to see myself out,” Sekmet explained before she left Jumoke alone with me.

       We sat in silence, just staring at each other. The concern in his eyes made me uncomfortable.

       “Your eyes,” he said softly.

       “What about them?” I asked. I was more than a little frightened of what could have happened. Sekmet’s eyes had looked normal, why didn’t mine?

       “They opened.” He said with relief, his lips spread into a wide smile. “When Sekmet brought me in here, you were just lying there. Bast, you weren’t breathing… I was afraid you’d never open your eyes again. But you did. And here we are.”

       His words warmed my heart and slowly, the reality sunk in. Jumoke was warm, vibrant, alive. I could hear his heartbeat, feel his aura like a second skin over him, but mine? My heart beat was slow, fueled by magic, my aura was cold and strangely disconnected like a coat more than something apart of me. I knew these differences, but Jumoke… all he saw was my eyes open. And somehow I knew, even if he saw the differences, he wouldn’t care.

       “Here we are,” I repeated him and mirrored his smile.

_‘Bast, Qiang wishes to retire soon,’ Sekmet’s voice whispered into my mind. ‘I’ll need my room back soon. But Nakia and Nassor have prepared a room for you two that will be well guarded. Rest well, I will see you tomorrow night.’_

_You as well,’_ I sent back.

       Communicating telepathically with Sekmet came oddly naturally. Part of me wondered if we had always been destined to ascend to power. Though I had never craved power, I was discovering a more naturally attunement to my Blestemat powers than the divine ones I had trained with before.

       “We should go to the room my sister prepared for us,” I added when I noticed his expression had become confused and concerned again.

       “Yes, she mentioned something about that,” he admitted. “Can you stand? She told me when you woke up it would be hard to walk.”

       “You two talked a lot when I was asleep?” I asked him curiously, trying not to be jealous.

       “She wanted to make sure I could help you,” he explained with an amused smile. “Apparently, her intentions are to keep Qiang as far away from the rest of us as possible. She thinks he’d like me or Shador.”

       “But not me?” I was almost offended.

       “Something about you’re not his type. Probably your hair,” Jumoke teased me. With a sly tone, he added, “Which is fine with me. Because you’re just my type.”

       “Well, I guess that’s really all that matters,” I responded with a chuckle. Slowly, I moved from his arms to a standing position and almost knocked myself over when I pushed off the bed. “That is going to take some getting used to.”

       Jumoke stood up and immediately swept me into his arms. “A goddess doesn’t need to walk,” he teased me. Instead of chastising or correcting him as I usually would, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and tenderly kissed my love. With a firm hold, he returned my kiss, his heart beat faster, my new fangs extended in response.

       “We should go lay down,” I suggested quietly and laid my head on his shoulder to hide my mouth.

       “You’ll feed on me tomorrow night, you know,” he reminded and carried me to our guest room. “You do not need to hide your fangs. But feeding tonight would weaken your sisters blood. You need to absorb her power.”

       “You guys really did talk about a lot when I was asleep,” I grumbled.

       “All so I can take care of you. I still think she’s reckless and irresponsible, but… there’s something about her that is naturally agreeable. I can’t explain it. It’s not something that would ever attract me to her though. _You_ are my goddess. No one else,” he said firmly.

       “Good. I love you,” I whispered. We laid down and as soon as the sun began to rise, I slept.

       I was never sure if I resented Sekmet leaving me to Jumoke’s care or if I was grateful to her, but I do believe she did what was best for the moment. Because that’s what she lived in. The moment.

* * *

 


	15. Memories - The Year they saved me. 3000 BC

* * *

 

       Waking up was difficult. My body was heavy and my senses were groggy. I was acutely aware of my sister’s presence beside me. Though I felt her before I heard her, the soft melody she hummed gave me something to focus on. I used the melody to pull myself out of the fog my mind clung to.

       “You’re awake,” Sekmet said in relief. “Qiang said it could take a week, but I didn’t think you’d sleep longer than a day.”

       While she spoke, I opened my eyes to look for Jumoke. His absence concerned me, especially if what I inferred about how long I slept was right.

       “Don’t worry about Jumoke,” Sekmet spoke up and shifted beside me. “He and Shador are asleep in another room. Seeing our dead sleep is a little too much for them right now. Bast… I’m sorry.”

       My first attempt to speak failed, but I quickly remembered to force air back into my body.

       “Why are you apologizing?” I asked and forced myself to sit up. My sister had never been openly uncertain, let alone apologetic.

       “For leaving you to Jumoke,” she explained with her eyes downcast. “Qiang was growing impatient. I knew my price was to be his. I’m exchanging one prison for another. Even though I believe it is worth it, I do not want you to pay. Though I should have been there, I knew Jumoke would protect you. He already has for years. At that moment, I needed to keep Qiang calm. So, I took him out of the room and trusted Jumoke would follow my instructions.”

       My mind fought to remain clear, but I understood the significance of my sister’s words. Her job was to keep Qiang happy. Even if it meant keeping me and Shador away from her.

       “If that is the way it needs to be,” I said slowly, trying to pick my words carefully. “I just want to see you more than I used to. Sometimes I feel left behind by Shador and you.”

       My sister looked up to meet my gaze. For once, I couldn’t read her expression. When had she learned to hide her thoughts so well? When she sighed, I could see a flicker of the concern she probably felt.

       “You will,” she promised with a gentle smile. “Once we leave Kemet, we’ll be traveling together. I’ll need your help to keep Shador from opening his mouth. I’m concerned he’s going to try and do something Qiang will make us regret.”

       “I’ll speak with him,” I offered. With a smile, I added, “But he listens to you better.”

       “That’s not very reassuring,” Sekmet grumbled and leaned back against a pillow. “Maybe we shouldn’t have indulged him so much.”

       “It was rather difficult for anyone to discipline him with you watching all the time,” I teased her. The look my twin threw me was one I imagined Jumoke saw often on my face.

       “There is one more item I need to talk to you about,” Sekmet said slowly. “I have a few blood whores already selected for our trip. They’re servants Qiang brought with him. You’ll need one or two.”

       “Jumoke has already requested I only feed from him unless necessity dictates otherwise,” I informed my sister. The longer I was awake, the more I could feel the hunger prickling at my stomach.

       “If you bring Jumoke, Qiang could use him against us,” Sekmet cautioned. “And unless you plan to turn him… you will outlive him. Are you prepared to deal with that?”

       My sister’s wisdom was not appreciated. But being with Jumoke was a very large reason I never questioned her allegiance to Qiang. Even if I didn’t take him, I knew Jumoke would follow me.

       “Are you asking me to leave him?” I asked her very calmly.  
  
       "No,” Sekmet replied and met my gaze with a stern expression. “Bast, I do not allow myself love because I am not strong enough to lose it. I once told you I felt your strength was different from my own. If you are strong enough to risk losing Jumoke, then love him and never let go.”

       I cursed my sister’s strange ability to hide from me. All our lives I had depended on reading her gaze, interpreting her body language. I was quite suddenly shut out of her mind, left only with the scraps of emotions she chose to let through.

       As if sensing my unease, Sekmet relaxed her shoulders and sighed. I felt stupid for doubting her intentions. Though she wouldn’t admit it, Sekmet could not control Qiang or his temper. Jumoke would be in danger with me, but he always had been.

       “I will treasure the time we have. But I already love him. Leaving him here would hurt as much as losing him later,” I admitted. “Can we let him know I’m awake?”

       Her expression turned gentle as she nodded. “You need to feed and I need to oversee your feeding so you don’t take too much. Bast, when you feed from him, you’ll see his memories. You’ll know exactly what he thinks of you…”

       “I’m not afraid,” I reassured her with a confident smile.

       She called for her guard Nassor to fetch Jumoke. While I waited, I took in the world around me. With focus, I heard the steady beat of every guard inside the temple. Instinctively, I could tell where Qiang lay beside a warm body. Keeping my mind free of theories, I moved on until I found the familiar aura of my lover.

       He was in the same room as my brother, though I realized I had never truly felt Shador’s aura before. It was strong, warm, and held a distinct quality shared by Sekmet and my auras. At one time my brother told me this quality proved our ‘divinity’, but I doubted him.

       Even after being turned into a Blestemat, Sekmet’s aura still held that unique quality and I assumed mine did as well. However, there was something odd about the quality and I decided that maybe it would be a good idea to find out what it was. But I didn’t have the resources to look into it yet and turned my attention back to tracking auras.

       Jumoke and Sekmet walked back to my room together. The moment Jumoke entered my room, the scent of his blood overloaded my senses. There was a warm feeling behind my eyes while my fangs elongated. There was no denying I needed to feed.

       “Bast,” he spoke cautiously, but approached me without hesitation. “I trust you.”

       I opened my eyes to meet his gaze, my own flickered to his throat.

       “Reach out with your power and will him to feel pleasure instead of pain,” Sekmet explained. “Otherwise, it will be excessively painful.”

       Heeding my sister’s warning, I reached out with my mental abilities and tricked Jumoke’s mind into enjoying the pain that would follow. I reach out with my hand to cradle his head and pierced his throat with my fangs, bracing myself for his memories.

       The heartwarming images I witnessed brought up a little envy. Jumoke had truly grown up in a loving family, though they trained him hard to be a warrior their people would be proud of. There was nothing about his life that surprised me… until he saw me.

       Jumoke never told me the reason he spoke up the day he joined me guard. The beloved second son had seen a loneliness in my gaze that broke his heart and planted the desire to protect me. As I fed, I bore witness to the growth of those feelings, how they strengthened and turned to love.

       As I pulled away from him, tears fell down my cheeks. Instantly, I felt a protective rage from beside me and I quickly rose my hand.

       “Bast?” Sekmet questioned, her voice a gentle threat.

       “It’s not what you think,” I reassured her through my scratchy voice. “Just overwhelmed.”

       Jumoke breathed heavily as he looked between the two of us, his gaze filled with confusion. Something about Sekmet’s gaze kept him silent, though I sensed no fear from him. After it became obvious they were staring for too long, I looked up at my sister. I couldn’t read her gaze again, but I could sense her distrust, her fear. Those emotions confused me, I couldn’t even guess the source.

       “You’re fine?” she asked me without looking away from Jumoke.

       “Yes,” I replied evenly. A cool feeling swept through my mind as a look of understanding fell over my sister.

       “Oh,” she said quietly. “I see… I-I should leave you two alone, then. Bast, you seem to have a handle on feeding for the time. I’ll see you tomorrow night before you return to your temple. There is much to discuss.”

       Before we could respond, my sister had vanished.

       “What was—“

       “She thought I was unfaithful,” Jumoke answered before I finished my question. “Or that I was lying about my feelings for you. And if I had been, she was going to kill me.”

       “Did she tell you that?” I asked, trying to wipe my tears away.

       “No, but the look she gave me did,” he said with a smile. “Good thing I’m very much in love with you.”

       Jumoke turned to me, his smile melting my heart. It was true and I could never deny it. I threw my arms around his neck and had to chuckle when he grunted a complaint.

       Never had I thought someone would truly love me for me, but in that moment getting leaving Kemet and our old lives behind was worth everything. That night, we made love.

* * *

 


	16. Denial - The Year I snapped out of it. 3000 BC

* * *

 

       Weeks went by while I adjusted to my new powers and all but gave up control of my temple to the priests. Instead of waking up early to be dressed and pampered, I slept with Jumoke watching over my room until the sunset every evening.

       Which is why when I awoke in my chamber with no Jumoke by my side, I was quite concerned. Not one to over react, I summoned some servants to dress me before I searched for Jumoke’s aura. He felt nearby, potentially right outside of my temple. I felt silly and assumed he had gone to relieve himself or stretch his legs.

       At least until I noticed the aura beside his.

       Once I dismissed my servants, I silently made my way through the temple, cloaking my presence with magic so none could hear or see me. When I was close enough to hear them, I stopped moving. While my magic should have kept me hidden, I didn’t want to risk getting too close.

       “Are you sure we should wait?” Ramses’s impatiently whispered. “The longer you all are with him, the more damage he could do.”

       “Yes. They have an innate connection to their powers, but if what you said was true, they need his protection,” Jumoke replied calmly.

       “But the others wo-“

       “Yeah, you say that,” Jumoke cut Ramses off in a stern tone. “But I am not willing to trust hunters with my love’s life. Are you willing to risk Sekmet’s?”

       There was silence between the two men, but I could feel the waves of anger and pain rolling from Ramses… until they just vanished.

       “No. She claims to hate me, but continues to shield me from him,” Ramses said in a much softer tone. “I will wait. Enjoy the trip.”

       Without another word, the two separated. I could feel Jumoke enter the temple and decided to beat him back to my room.

       The moment he entered, I dropped the magic shroud and crossed my arms, patiently waiting to see what he would say. While I felt like my heart should have been racing, it was oddly steady. I wasn’t nervous, but I was afraid of what Jumoke was up to.

       “That isn’t a friendly look,” he commented, tenderly kissing my cheek. “Sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up.”

       “Very unusual for you,” I said and decided to push him a bit. “Where were you?”

       “I…” Jumoke hesitated and stepped away from me. He scratched his chin as he debated what to tell me. This wasn’t behavior I was used to or liked. Finally, he spoke up. “If I tell you, it could put your siblings and you in danger. Are you sure you want to know?”

       With a bit of effort, I pushed my anxiousness to the side. Even though I didn’t know Ramses well enough to trust his judgment one way or another, I knew I trusted Jumoke’s. Something about the situation bothered me.

       “I know you met with Ramses,” I admitted before I pressed further. “And that the two of you seem to be planning an assassination on Qiang. I want to know why?”

       His eyes narrowed, an expression I had never seen directed towards me and not one I appreciated… though I understood why he would feel annoyed with me.

       “Testing me is unlike you,” he grumbled. Jumoke took a deep breath and shrugged. The narrowed gaze shifted to the soft gaze I was familiar with and his amused smirk returned. Strangely, the subtle shift almost completely eased my concerns. Still, I waited for him to speak. “I guess not being here was unlike me. Concerned about me, were you?”

       “Jumoke, this is not the time to push me,” I warned him. “I was concerned until I felt him. Please, answer my question.”

       “Qiang has a bit of a reputation with the hunters,” Jumoke explained. He closed the distance between us and rested his hands on the sides of my waist. His warm touched revived the butterflies in my stomach. I leaned against him to listen while he continued his explanation. “I just want to make sure we have the means to protect you and your sister from him if things ever get ugly. You know the whole sire bond thing would keep her from directly harming him.”

       “Theoretically,” I said reluctantly. “At least while we’re still young. But fledglings break the sire bond all the time once they’re strong enough. It’s why loyalty is respected. Or so you told me a few months ago.”

       “Yes. Which is why Qiang tries to force loyalty through fear,” Jumoke spoke softly. “I do admit that Sekmet plays loyal servant well. But he could dive into her mind at any time. I have a feeling he would not appreciate what she has going on in there.”

       “You know her so well… What do you think he would do?” I asked while I tried to deny the fear in my heart. “Do you think it’s why she tries to keep Qiang away from the rest of us?”

       “I simply observe your sister and listen to what she chooses not to say,” he replied cryptically. Jumoke stared into my eyes as he spoke, “You know her better. Bast, you need to stop ignoring what you don’t want to see. Why do you think she keeps him away? Because she wants him to herself?”

       I looked away from him. Jumoke was right, but I didn’t want to admit it. Sekmet represented a lot to me. Her strength was admirable, her perseverance enviable, but… her recklessness and naivety weren’t sides I wanted to acknowledge.

       “She said he was dangerous. That he had a temper,” I confessed. “But she also said she could protect us. As long as no one tries to hurt him or outright defy him- Is Shador in on your scheme?”

       Jumoke’s entire body tensed, igniting a bit of anger inside of me.

       “Before you get angry, no, he is not in on the plan with Ramses,” Jumoke reassured me. “But he is trying to find a way to kill Qiang. I’m keeping an eye on him so I can keep him as far away from Qiang as possible.”

       “You better. I doubt my sister would survive if Qiang killed Shador,” I whispered, afraid even voicing the idea would invite fate down upon us.

       “Bast, I swear to you, I will protect him with my life,” Jumoke pledged, placing his hand over his heart.

       “Oh no,” I said, hurriedly grabbing his hand. “I would not survive if you died.”

       With that dumb, adorable amused smirk, Jumoke leaned down to tenderly kiss me. 

       “You’re stronger than you think,” he whispered.

       His words left a heavy weight in my chest, but I ignored them. Instead, I kissed him again and separated before summoning my servants. There were preparations to be made for our departure from the land of my birth. Preparations that proved to be great distractions… my favorite hobby.

* * *

 


	17. Farewell - The Year we Finally left. 3000 BC

* * *

 

       The day of our departure festival had arrived and while I wanted to be more concerned about Jumoke and Ramses, instead I chose to focus on situations more within my control. Or at least ones that would be within my control when we left Kemet.

       The day started with a conversation about names for Jumoke. Sekmet had presented a small list and told us their meanings, but that wasn’t very important to me. However, Jumoke had found the name Jin entertaining… I wasn’t certain why a name that meant gold would be amusing to him, but there were other things I turned my focus on.

       While I enjoyed the make-up and the style of my wardrobe, the sheerness had never sat well with me. The golden belt around my waist was thick enough to drape over my hips and cover my vagina. Beyond that I might as well have been entirely nude. Which I would need to be when Qiang teleported us away.

       Despite all the thoughts that could have—that should have been entangling my mind, there was only one subject that stubbornly persisted. Not even my wardrobe was enough to completely distract me from thoughts of our father.

       He lived in Upper Kemet, but I had only ever seen glimpses of him. He was a high Priest of Sekmet, but never seemed to be in her temple. As our father, the man who gave us our divinity, he would be the one to carry out our departure ceremony.

       What did he think of us? Had he never visited us by choice? Sekmet resented him, but I… I wasn’t sure how I felt. Twenty-five years and he had never so much as requested to see us. Truthfully, I had wondered if he had died and no one thought to informed us. But Sekmet told me he was the only one they would allow to oversee our ceremony. Unfortunately, she had said it in a tone that hadn’t been open to further discussion.

       The idea he wasn’t a total asshole who should be thrown from a cliff wasn’t one I had been able to convince her of.

       “Goddess,” Nassor, my sister’s personal guard entered my room in Sekmet’s temple. “They are ready for you.”

       “Thank you, Nassor,” I replied and bowed my head to him.

       Jumoke escorted me to Sekmet’s room where I telepathically complained to her about our clothing and she quipped back as usual. I made no comment about our father.

       We walked from her temple for the last time and made our way to a large litter. We took our place and let them take us to the dais for our ceremony, our people whispering excitedly around us. Once the litter was placed, we stood, my breath frozen in my chest. As usual, Sekmet walked with a confident grace while I tried to hold myself together.

       Finally, we stood before our father. Seeing him was… anti-climatic. His eyes were a dark brown, like most of our people. There was nothing to set him apart from the priests I had grown up under and certainly nothing unfamiliar in his suspicious gaze. Obviously, we had gotten our looks from our mother whom he had left to die after taking us from her.

       “Goddesses, you will be departing from us today,” he announced to everyone around us. There was no attempt to address us or any proud look. Just a skeptic gaze and cocky smile to the crowd. “Any parting remarks?”

       “Only that we wish for our followers to enjoy the celebration!” Sekmet and I declared in unison.

       The whispering turned into a roar as our people began to play music and dance all around us. Suddenly, I felt Sekmet drag me to the edge of the dais. I looked out to our people, tried to engrave the image of our final festival into my memory. Together, we jumped into the crowd, shocking and delighting them.

       The strength of life washed over us, lifting my heart and driving away the doubts and regrets. I smiled warmly at my sister, but then just hoped she accepted my silent apology. Jumoke, no longer afraid of persecution, led me away from the men quickly surrounding my sister.

       Together, we dance. Free, elated, unafraid, together amid our people. A moment I had long yearned for… and one I knew would end far too soon. Focusing on the present, I pulled Jumoke close and smiled as he ignored the rest of the world with me.

 _'Bast,’_ Sekmet called to my mind.

       “It’s time,” I whispered to Jumoke.

       We were helped back onto the dais. In our final moment, we turned to see our followers. With the moon high above us, we closed our eyes and took our belts off.

       “We have long remained in this mortal realm as your goddesses, but now it is time we returned to the sky,” we spoke in unison to give an unearthly quality to our words. “We will return to you someday, but until then may Horus watch over you and Ra bless you.”

       Our robes fell and we shifted into a panther and lioness. All around us, our people gasped, our father almost fell off the dais. Quickly, Qiang teleported us to a large tent. Shador draped robes over our shoulders.

       Jumoke quickly joined us, pulling me into his wonderfully strong and safe arms.

       “You two can rest,” Shador gently assured us. “I will make sure your bodies are protected during the day.”

 _"We_ will,” Jumoke corrected our little brother. Shador rolled his eyes, clearly unimpressed with my lover’s protective assertion.

       “I’m sure you will,” I whispered to Jumoke and led him to our pallet in the tent. We laid down and cuddled, knowing Qiang’s caravan would be traveling throughout the day with his slaves carrying the large tents away from our home.

       Glancing to my siblings, a small smile crossed my lips. Shador leaned against a support pole while he let Sekmet rest her head in his lap, just as she let us rest on her for so many years. I rolled back over and readjusted myself against Jumoke. Or as I would call him soon, Jin.

* * *

 


	18. Baako - The Year I began to consider. 2999 BC

* * *

 

       China was a wonderful breath of fresh air. The clothing was amazing and versatile. The patterns were so different from what I was accustomed to wearing. While I had nothing against the patterns of my home, they were unfortunately not something I was allowed to wear often as a ‘Goddess’. The layers were comforting, the knowledge no one could see anything I didn’t want them to was liberating.

       Although the best part of being in China was Jumoke. While public affection was frowned upon, no one questioned he was my husband. We could go anywhere together and not worry about anyone walking in on us if we were standing a little too close. At night, instead of dutifully sitting beside my bed until I fell asleep, he held me tenderly and fell asleep with me in the morning.

       Thankfully, because I was a young Blestemat, my appetite was easily satisfied with Jumoke’s blood once a week. Which gave him time to recover without being weak. Though it did make it difficult to get around without Sekmet since she was the only one of us who could speak Chinese. A skill she could temporarily pick up through feeding on those who were fluent with the language.

       We were trying to learn the language organically, but I admit her shortcut was useful.

       One of the downsides to relying on Sekmet for translations was when Qiang would return from his travels. He preferred to monopolize her time and she of course never complained, though I knew she would rather not indulge him.

       It was during one of those visits Jumoke and I decided to venture out and test our competency with the language again. While we weren’t fluent, we had picked up enough to get directions to a popular grove for couples to walk through.

       As always, we had guards escorting us. Qiang was apparently a man of high status in his home country, which actually explained why he could afford the caravan to move us from Kemet. I had just assumed he was using powers to control people to get what he wanted, but apparently not.

       The guards didn’t bother us, though every now and then Jumoke would size them up with a glance. I couldn’t blame him, after all he _used_ to be a guard.

       Every time he did, I gently nudged him with my elbow to return his attention to our walk. The tree blossoms were breath taking, the breeze pleasant. Experiencing the difference between Kemet and China did prove my sister’s point about traveling. I didn’t want to admit that to her just yet, but I greatly looked forward to exploring the world with Jumoke.

       During our peaceful walk, I felt the familiar presence of my ‘little’ brother. A man by our society’s standards, he was just about fourteen years old. Still, the boy was a bit taller than either Sekmet or myself and had begun to spend time away from us.

       “Wonder what he’s doing here,” I mused to Jumoke as my brother’s back came into view.

       “Hopefully showing someone a good time,” Jumoke teased me, though we both preferred that to a secret meeting with any hunters.

       While I sensed another person with Shador, I couldn’t tell their intention. Just that they were likely around his age. The closer we walked towards them, the more apparent it became I was worried over nothing. Shador was showing off his bow to what appeared to be a local boy. The conversation was filled with short answers in a language I couldn’t understand.

       I leaned into Jumoke when he wrapped his arm around me. That was what we wanted for Shador. To live his life as a boy should, free of the heavy responsibilities he had to shoulder as a priest in training. And far from the dangers of a warrior’s life or being mixed up with hunters would cause.

       The boys stopped when they noticed us, the local boy bowed to us, but Shador just waved.

       “Enjoying your walk?” he asked and motioned to his friend. “This is Baako.”

       “We are. It’s nice to meet you,” I said, but Shador translated for me. “This is an interesting place to play with swords.”

       Jumoke stifled a chuckle, but couldn’t hide his smirk. Instead of translating what I said, Shador rolled his eyes at me.

       “I don’t think he’s into me like that,” Shador responded. “Anyway, you should get back to your walk. We’re meeting some other guys for lunch.”

       “Are you into him?” I asked. His comment made me realized he’s never shown romantic interest in anyone around me.

       “I don’t know,” he shrugged. “But I don’t run down dead ends, so see you later.”

       With that, he left with his friend. Just dismissed us liked a rude little butt.

       “He’s adjusting well,” Jumoke commented as we walked down a different path in the grove. “You never went through a phase where you disregarded authority.”

       “I would have been killed for doing so,” I replied with a sigh. “Besides he wasn’t disregarding authority. Just avoiding his sister. It’s not quite the same.”

       “You have a point there,” he agreed. “Sometimes I wonder if would have avoided my brother or clung to him. We didn’t spend a lot of time together before I joined your guard.”

       “Do you miss him?” Sometimes it was easy for me to forget Jumoke left his life behind three times for me. Never once did he complain… did he ever regret it?

       “Not really. I didn’t know him well,” Jumoke admitted. “He was my big brother. Much like your sister, he took responsibility on his shoulders and remained distant, though I don’t think he meant to. If I’m to be entirely honest, I am much closer to your siblings than I was mine. I enjoy teaching Shador and while we don’t always agree, I genuinely respect Sekmet’s… resilience.”

       “Her resilience?” Of all the chosen descriptors he could have used, I never expected that one.

       “Not only does she hold up her end of a bargain I’m sure she didn’t fully understand when she made it, she seems to have the upper hand sometimes,” he tried to explain. When he saw my confusion, he continued. “Qiang seems to trust her far more than he should. I’m sure if he actually read her mind more he wouldn’t be nearly so pleased with her.”

       “Probably,” I said with a chuckle. “Let’s hope it stays that way.”

       We continued on our walk, enjoying each other’s company. Thinking on our situation, I did regret not being able to give Jumoke children. We’d just have to adopt someday.

* * *

 


	19. Chen - The Year we found our gift. 2998 BC

* * *

 

       ‘Someday’ became ‘one day soon’ when I approached Jumoke with the idea of adopting an orphaned child. He was intrigued by the idea, but didn’t seem over enthusiastic. We had to find a child first and that wasn’t as easy a task as I thought it would be.

       Generally, if a mother didn’t survive childbirth, neither did the baby. I wasn’t about to rob a baby of their birth mother through kidnapping. Orphans didn’t often last long on the streets, which left out children in the area. While I had been elated by the idea at first… as days went on, an emptiness grew inside me.

       “We’ll find one,” Jumoke reassured me, his warm arm wrapped comfortingly around my waist. “You’re not going to age beyond your prime years, you know.”

       “But you might,” I retorted derisively. “Unless you changed your mind about turning?”

       “Bast, you know my feelings on this,” he responded with a sigh. “I want to, but I also want to protect you when you sleep. So, when you are strong enough to wake when the sun is high, then I will allow you to turn me. Not before.”

       “Fine,” I pouted. “If sickness takes you from me, I will be _very_ cross with you.”

       “I’d let you turn me if it looked like I would fall to a fever,” he promised, patiently. “Have you spoken to your sister about leaving?”

       “Yes. She is concerned for our safety, but believes so long as we return before the sunrise, we will be fine,” I explained, my heart heavy. “What if we go and still find nothing?”

       “Then we’ll return and find somewhere else to look,” Jumoke persisted. “We have only searched this area. And you know, if I were an expecting mother, I don’t think I would stick around here if I could help it.”

       I took a deep breath before I nodded to him. As usual, he was right and I was letting my emotions hinder me. We arranged for transportation. However, we didn’t expect my sister to join us.

       “What are you doing?” I asked, strangely annoyed she had invited herself on our excursion.

       “You’re still learning the language and I know where you should go,” Sekmet stated and clicked her tongue. Her horse trotted ahead, effectively ending the conversation unless I wanted to make a scene. I hated making a scene.

       “Sekmet, explain yourself,” Jumoke demanded, unafraid of my sister or anyone else’s opinion of him. I loved that man.

       For the first time since they met, I saw my sister’s expression deaden. Her face was blank as she turned to him, a calculating look in her eyes. Then, she smirked, but there was no amusement in her gaze. I would come to know the expression well, though she would never turn it towards me.

       “Only because I like you,” she said.

       My body relaxed with her expression. I hadn’t even realized my muscles tensed when her expression first deadened. What would I have done if she attacked Jumoke? Thankfully, I didn’t need to figure that out.

       “You are looking for a baby. I know where one is,” she explained, directing her horse forward once again. “They know me there. Your adoption will go much smoother if I go with you.”

       “You’ve been leaving the village?” Jumoke asked, curious and seemingly unfazed by my sister’s deadly pause. Then again, he may have been more confident in her affection for him than I was.

       “Of course,” Sekmet replied, her usual smile replaced the empty smirk. “There is no reason for us to remain in the village at night. Though I do not usually travel with the horses, this is safer for the baby.”

       “You’re _certain_ there will be one?” I asked, the whirlwind swirling inside my stomach was the first time I had felt sick since I turned.

       “She was there last night,” Sekmet said, almost impatiently. “Her mother had an illness and was not likely to survive the day. Still, humans are persistent, so I wasn’t going to tell you until I went there again. However, a messenger arrived earlier today for me. She didn’t make it.”

       The whirlwind sped up. How could I be so happy another woman had perished? What was wrong with me? If I hadn’t been turned, if I were still human, then I wouldn’t need another woman to die for me to have a child… yet, there I was. Excited to hear of her death because it promised a gift for us.

       “Do we know if the baby may have gotten sick as well?” Jumoke asked quietly.

       “The baby was fine according to the messenger,” Sekmet replied.

       We fell silent, our guards keeping pace while maintaining space. The short ride through the endless forest stretched on, no sign of anyone living there. Finally, we spotted smoke rising up. The warmth of living auras and the jovial sounds of merriment renewed my hope.

       When we arrived, Sekmet dismounted and led the way into the village where she was warmly greeted by the men drinking from their pots. They began exchanged words, my sister speaking to these men in a friendly way I had never witnessed before. Not in public. From what I could understand, they knew each other well.

       For a moment, the man she was speaking to grew quiet, his eyes watered, but he did not cry.

       “Follow me,” he said after clearing his throat.

       Sekmet stepped aside, making it clear she would remain behind.

       Jumoke led the way, two of my guards followed after us. Outside of the small gathering, most of the villagers were all sleeping soundly in their beds, we could hear a few coughing every now and then. I let myself focus on the strong, healthy auras and tune out those that began to dim. The sickness had not left the village yet.

       “She’s in here,” he whispered and led us into his home.

       A young woman held a tiny bundle in her arms. The man walked over and spoke too quickly for me to understand his words, but I could see the relief exchanged between the two as she handed the baby to him.

       When he brought the baby to us, I gently took her into my arms. She was absolutely perfect to us. My whirlwind stopped swirling around. An overwhelming warmth encompassed my heart as we thanked him and left to rejoin my sister.

       Later she explained the man was the baby’s grandfather. Her father had fallen to the sickness first, many believe her mother’s health had failed from heartache. When I asked about the young woman, Sekmet merely said she was just a girl too young to care for someone else’s baby.

       Jumoke and I decided to keep her birthname.

       ‘Chen’, our little gift from the world.

       Holding her, I realized being unable to birth our own child didn’t matter. If I hadn’t been turned, Chen wouldn’t have been ours. It was funny was life worked out sometimes.

* * *

 


	20. Foreboding - The Year I accepted again. 2997 BC

* * *

 

       “Come on, you can do it,” Jumoke encouraged with an expectant smile.

       He held his arms out as Chen stood on shaky legs in front of me. Pride swelled in my heart as I watched her lift a tiny foot and step forward. With an unsteady rhythm, she took another two, three steps before falling backwards, her little tush connecting with the ground.

       Jumoke knelt in front of her and soothed her, but didn’t pick her up immediately. I wasn’t a fan of making her wait, but there was wisdom in his actions. The world was not kind and she would need to learn to pick herself up.. but she was barely a year and didn’t need to deal with the world yet.  

       I swept in and lifted our child into my arms to calm her. Jumoke gave me a dissatisfied smile, but said nothing. Chen could learn to be tough later. For now, she needed to be a baby.

       “Should we join your brother for lunch?” Jumoke asked. I could practically feel the effort he was exerting to refrain from sassing my parenting decision.

       “You can. I need to put Chen down for a nap,” I replied. There was no point taking her to a meal. Neither she nor I could eat with everyone else. Well… she _could_ , but not a lot.

       “Are you sure, love?” he asked and rested his chin on my shoulder. “I know we don’t exactly agree with how hard to push her, but she is doing well. And she’s happy. We always enjoy your company.”

       “It’s not that. Well, that is part of it, but,” I trailed off with a sigh. Chen had calmed, her head gently resting on my shoulder. “I have a strange feeling about tonight. I can’t shake it.”

       “Should I stay here?” he asked, his tone shifted to that of my wondrous protector.

       “No, we will be fine,” I said reassuringly. “I just wish I could explain my feeling. I should still be proud and happy Chen took her first steps, but I… fear any day will be her last. Mortality never seemed like such a curse before.”

       “Precious, we will protect her. Chen will grow into an adult,” Jumoke promised, his arms comfortingly wrapped around my waist. “Then she can decide if mortality or immortality is her gift. There are good reasons to have either.”

       “Jumoke… when will you allow me to turn you?” I asked, as I did every few months.

       “Whenever you are strong enough to defend us in the daylight,” he promised me, as he did every few months. “And not before then.”

       “I don’t feel anywhere near strong enough for that,” I whined with a pout. “What if you grow old before then?”

       “I won’t. I believe in you,” he said and placed a kiss on my neck and one on Chen’s head. “Bast, are you happy we left Kemet? Ever since we did you’ve been… you have started letting your fear cloud your judgement. Before, you only grew skittish like this if your senses told you something was wrong. And you were always right.”

       Instead of answering him, I took in his words. Was I more paranoid since turning? My senses, my ability to feel danger… it was silent. How had I not noticed the silence? There was an emptiness where that internal feeling should have resided.

       “Perhaps I have been afraid,” I wondered with a small smile. “I need to figure out why it’s gone. Or learn to live without it. Everything else about the world was so overwhelming, I guess I didn’t notice something was missing.”

       “Here,” Jumoke whispered as he took Chen. “I’ll take her to lay down. You try to… do whatever you did to feel that… yeah.”

       I laughed at the way he fumbled over the explanation. Back then, I didn’t know how to describe my sense either. I watched him walk away with our daughter and knew he was right. I wasn’t sure _how_ , but he was.

       Taking a deep breath, I sat on the floor with my ankles crossed. I pushed everything from my mind, blocked out the world in every way. Then, slowly, I tried to reach out. Before I was turned, my sense had felt like an extra limb I could stretch out and feel the energies of the world with. But in that moment, all I felt was the life around me.

       I fought down my panic. It couldn’t just be gone. Becoming a Blestemat couldn’t have destroyed my ability to feel the world, to know when all was right and danger was around.

       Closing my eyes, I focused again, but instead of blocking everything out, I let the world in a piece at a time. The sounds of sleeping servants and the shuffling of those awake to serve us entered my mind first. I moved past that to the whispers of conversations. Slowly, images came with the sounds.

       I could hear Jumoke humming quietly to Chen. I could see her pale skin contrasting against his golden tan. Beyond them, I felt the dark cloud that had been floating around my instincts. I let my mind follow that cloud beyond Qiang’s village, beyond the river and forests surrounding it. There my senses reach ended, but the cloud floated on.

       I opened my eyes, relieved to feel safe. Whatever danger was in our future, it was far away for the moment. I quickly, but quietly, made my way to our room and watched Jumoke rock Chen back and forth, the tiny girl falling asleep.

       For the first time in months, I didn’t feel a sense of dread watching over them. The urge to ask Jumoke to become immortal wasn’t there. Watching them, I was just at peace. As I should have been. When he placed her down in her bassinet, he turned to smile at me.

       With a seductive smile, I took his hand and led him away.

       “You figured out what you needed to?” he asked still smiling, but I didn’t answer him verbally.

       Unfortunately, I wouldn’t really find myself for years to come. With Jumoke, it didn’t matter, he always reminded me of who I was. Perhaps that was why I didn’t know on my own.

* * *

 


	21. Plans - The Year we began to make them. 2996 BC

* * *

 

       Every evening, before I opened my eyes, I reached out with my power and searched for the looming shadow, but couldn’t feel it near us. Always, it was on the outskirts and was slowly becoming a permanent, familiar fixture. So long as the danger it represented stayed far away from my family, I was content to ignore it.

       Chen ran around the garden, ‘winning’ a race against her Uncle Shador. Jumoke and I enjoyed a little cuddle without the responsibilities of parenting. We loved raising Chen, but the small chances we had to relax were very appreciated. That was the calm and peaceful pattern of our life then.

       I loved every minute of it. As Chen ran passed me, I lifted her high into the air and laughed with her delighted giggle.

       “Oh no, you’ve been saved from me,” Shador cried in mock distress. “I am no match for your mom!”

       Chen giggled again and hid from Shador by tucking her head onto my shoulders. Shador tried to hide a yawn, but miserably failed.

       “Uncle Feng needs to go get some sleep,” I firmly recommended. “You spend too much time trying to balance your friends and your family.”

       “It’ll get easier when Yanyu turns me,” he replied with a small smile. “But she is stubborn as ever. Nine more years. Just. Nine.”

       “You wouldn’t want to stop aging now,” I chastised him. “You’re still growing. Though I can’t imagine if you got much taller. But you still have those soft baby cheeks.”

       Shador threw me an irritated grin before he turned the attention off of him.

       “Yeah, well, make Jumoke wait much longer and he’s liable to look like a cradle robber for eternity,” Shador childishly shot. “He hasn’t had a baby face in a long time.”

       “Hey, keep me out of your squabbles. Unless you want to be Chen’s daytime care-taker, I can’t go all fang yet,” Jumoke defended and crossed an arm while he rubbed his chin with the free one. “I don’t look _that old_ yet. Do I?”

       “Of course you don’t,” I reassured him and walked over to kiss his cheek. Chen reached her hands out to Jumoke, who happily took her from me.

       “Go to sleep before I tuck you in, Feng,” I warned my brother and placed a hand against my hip.

       With a mighty roll of his eyes, he waved and wandered off towards the house. I sighed and shook my head.

       “I swear, one day I’m just going to put him to sleep with magic or something,” I threatened to no one.

       “He’s restless. Sh-Feng has no responsibilities here,” Jumoke defended while he tossed Chen up in the air. She giggled and rubbed his nose with hers whenever he brought her down. “Back in Kemet, he was a priest in training and only had days to relax when you or your sister asked for him. Honestly, I can relate. Until we adopted Chen, I had very little to do. Are you saying you’re completely comfortable here? With no responsibilities?”

       “I guess I wasn’t,” I responded thoughtfully. “That may have added to my baby fever.”

       “And now we have our hands full,” Jumoke said with a final toss before Chen declared she wanted down. “Alright, little one.”

       “I was awake to see the sunrise a few nights ago,” I said with a soft smile and watched while Chen ran off to explore some of the garden.

       “Which is a good sign of your growing strength,” he said and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Where do you want to go after here? Chen is old enough to travel, you’re almost ready to leave this sanctum, we should decide where to go next.”

       “Leave? Just you, Chen, and I?” There was no way to hide my surprise from him. “I never considered leaving without the others.”

       “Your siblings will be fine on their own. I love you and I don’t think anyone wants Chen growing up anywhere near…” he let his voice trail off, but I understood. It was a concern in the back of my mind for some time.

       “We won’t be able to leave for another year or two though. That’s how long we think it’ll be before I can stay awake throughout the whole day,” I explained while my mind raced with the possible conversations I might have with my siblings. “After that, I could be up during the day with Chen.”

       “You could. After we found another sanctum like this,” he agreed with a smile. “Wouldn’t want either of us to be entirely defenseless.  And we’d have to find blood whores. I’m suddenly very jealous and against this idea.”

       I laughed and gently hit his shoulder.

       “I’ll have to tolerate you feeding on others as well. You’ll get over it,” I teased him. “We have time to find guards we trust and willing blood whores who won’t make a fuss.”

       “I will see if I can find some maps tomorrow,” Jumoke assured me. “Then we can plan where to go.”

       I nodded my head and looked around for Chen.

       She was making a bracelet from the stems of a few flowers she had plucked. We remained in the garden long after the moon descended. Once we returned to our room, we put Chen to bed and watched as the sun peaked over the horizon. As always, the pull of sleep was strong, but no longer shut my mind down without resistance.

       Jumoke closed the window and escorted me back to our bed where I laid down without a fuss. As he did in my temple, he sat beside the bed and watched over me until I fell asleep. Though I preferred when he slept with me, we both knew he had to stay awake for a few more hours. That way, he and Chen could wake up together and enjoy a few hours of daylight before I would wake and we would spend the night exploring the garden and surrounding forests.

       One day our roles would reverse… that thought gave me peace.

* * *

 


	22. Hunted -- The year I was. 2995

* * *

 

       Screams filled my groggy mind. My body felt sluggish, my thought cloudy. I pushed through it, stood up despite the pull of the sun demanding I sleep. Chen’s voice fueled my strength as I ran towards her. There was a servant with her, trying to calm her. I could barely register the servant’s words, but I reached out with my power and calmed Chen, commanding her to sleep.

       “Go, hide,” I managed out and went to find my husband. No doubt he would be amongst the noise, defending us. But before I could get to the noise, I tripped over something. I looked to the body I had fallen over and saw my baby brother, lying there with his eyes half open.

       Panicked, I reached over to check his pulse. The slow beat went a long way in easing my fear, but he was still in danger. I put him over my shoulder and tried to carry him to a room where I could hide him.

       “Bastard!” Jumoke’s voice carried through the hall. “Run! Get out of here!”

       His voice grew weaker as he spoke. I set my brother against a wall and rushed to Jumoke’s voice. There were men I didn’t recognize surrounding him. He was breathing, I saw no bleeding, but I could hear his heart slow like Shador’s. One of the men threw a needle down and turned to me.

       “Get that one. We can use them to lure the other two out,” he commanded his allies.

       I didn’t know how to fight when I wasn’t sluggish and foggy… Try as I might, I couldn’t hold them off for long. They managed to get a cheap shot in, but that was all they needed with the silver needle. My neck burned, my already heavy body grew limp. I fought the urge to sleep, I needed to reach out to Sekmet.

       “We may finally lure the bastard out,” one of the men claimed triumphantly. “At the very least, we’ll get his bitch and cut their numbers a bit.”

       “What about the boy?” another asked. “He had promise, but I doubt he’ll still be willing after we kill his family.”

       “No. We’ll kill him as well,” the first one stated. “He was sympathetic to them. Frankly, if Bishop wasn’t so strong, I’d end him as well. We’ll probably need to avoid him for a while since he had the bitch marked as his kill.”

       “Whatever, he doesn’t scare me,” the other one scoffed. “He’s no god.”

       “No godling, you mean,” another man corrected. “He could be. Isn’t that why these ones are so dangerous? Of all the fledglings Qiang has brought back, these are the first ones we’ve received orders to kill even if it meant invading his nest. Don’t you think that’s weird? Think the rumors are true and he caught some foreign goddesses?”

       “A goddess wouldn’t have been caught so easily,” the other man scoffed again. “Or damn herself. They would have had power already. Just false rumors.”

       “Load them up into the wagon,” a third one called from behind the others. “Make sure you wrap her up good and tight. Wouldn’t want her to burn too soon. We need to hurry, cause they’re heading back tonight. Cut the ghost stories out or your shit-heads’ll just scare yourselves.”

       They shifted me while the muttered things about being a ‘waste’ and a ‘shame’. I had to fight back the terror that gripped me. The need to survive kept me awake, but I had to fight through the fog to focus on my message.

 _'Sekmet… I… help… please,’_ the usually instinctive telepathic call to my sister felt foreign and awkward. There was no way I could tell if she heard me at all. No way to know if our bond was strong enough to break through her day sleep, let alone manage it as weak as I felt. All I could do was call out again, repeating the same four words. Finally, as we were loaded onto a cart of some sort, I heard her voice.

 _'Bast? What happened?’_ her voice was weak and tired in my mind, but it was _there_. She heard me.

 _'Help, please,’_ I managed before I couldn’t spare the energy anymore. Her voice repeated her question, demanding answers, but I couldn’t respond to her. The blanket over me was barely thick enough to protect my body from the sunlight of the day, but nothing could shield my mind from the sun’s curse on our kind.

       Nothing but my own strength. I kept my mind shielded from the pull and forced myself to remain awake. My body was left victim to the drug they used, but it was a sacrifice I had to make. They wanted us alive to lure Sekmet and Qiang to them. I knew my sister would come, knew she’d save us. But she couldn’t find us if I was unconscious. The drug could have blocked out bond.

       Eventually we stopped and they unpacked us. I ignored their conversation until I heard my brother’s angry voice. He sounded slow and weak… I wanted to protect him, but I couldn’t. I was useless…

       “You weren’t… shapposed to hurt them!” he yelled, his words slurred a bit. “You were… just… him! The bastard!”

       “Deal changed, kid,” the one who said he’d kill him spoke up. “Get back down if you don’t want to get hurt.”

       Shador tried to fight, but he was no match. I heard each and every hit pound against him. Listened to his heartbeat race until it began to slow. I reached out with my mind and found his, commanding him to calm and sleep. Finally, I heard his body hit the floor.

       The hunters cursed and rushed to ensure he was still alive. One commanded the others to drug him again and place him back beside me and Jumoke. They decided to give more to Jumoke and myself. I doubled down on my mental shield, locking everything out, even their voices, their presence.

       There I remained, locked in my own mind, willing Sekmet to find us. We couldn’t die after coming so far… not when we were so close to our dreams.

* * *

 


	23. 023 Pain -- The Year I learned what it was 2995 BC

* * *

 

       Once my sister had arrived, I let go of consciousness and feel into complete mental oblivion. I wasn’t aware of anything until I awoke.

       Suddenly, the world came rushing back. Sounds, smells, warmth, my mind was overwhelmed with all the sensations fighting for dominance. I shot up, my sister’s name the first word I could focus on. I grabbed onto her name, focused and realized she was beside me.

       “Sekmet,” I called her name, pulling in breath quickly so I could continue to speak. “You found us!” I continued to ramble, venting my thoughts to refocus my mind. “I kept calling. I wasn’t sure if you heard, but it was all I could do.”

       “I heard you,” Sekmet’s spoke gently, a calm assurance and confidence in her tone. “And I came as I always will.”

       “Jumoke,” I whispered, turning toward his presence. My strength left me as his arms pulled me in and I buried my face in his chest. “You’re okay, y-you never woke up.”

       “Shhh,” he hushed me, cradling me against him while I let the tension flee my body and soul.

       “I’m sorry,” Shador’s voice barely registered through my attempts to relax. “I thought-I just wanted-they weren’t supposed to—“

       His words ended as a loud smack filled the air.

       “I know what you thought. I _warned_ you,” Sekmet growled. I shifted in Jumoke’s arms, too stunned to speak. She continued in the same, furious tone. “I told you to stop, and did you? Did you stop meeting with them?”

       I wanted to defend Shador. To protect him from Sekmet, but something about her posture kept me at bay.

       “You would have left Chen and I to mourn all of you if they hadn’t needed bait,” she continued and I realized Shador needed to hear her words as much as she needed to say them.

       Chen growing up without her parents… never seeing her reach adulthood. The reality she could’ve had settled uncomfortably within me.

       “And we don’t yet know what Qiang will ask for in return for his safehouse being compromise,” Sekmet finished, her rage waning to annoyance.

       “He can have my—“

       I winced as my sister’s hand connected with my brother’s face again. She yanked the collar of his quju, pulling him to her. Unable to watch, I began to examine a lovely tapestry on the wall.

       “Do not _dare_ finish that sentence. After everything I have done, do not _dare_ throw your life away so needlessly,” Sekmet berated in a colder tone than I had ever heard before. “I just want you to _listen_ to me. I am not afraid without reason. Do you understand me?”

       Shador didn’t say anything, but he must have responded because I heard Sekmet release his collar and shift back into her seat.

       To dissipate the tense silence, I turned to Jumoke.

       “I’m ready for you to turn me,” he confessed quietly. “Chen is asleep most of the day and I need to master being awake in the daytime before more hunters learn of us.”

       “We should probably stay with everyone while you adjust,” I recommended, elated I would no longer need to worry about losing him to illness or age.

       “Are you certain? You seem capable of watching us during the day. And it may be safer away from a grudge holding sire.” Jumoke had a very good point, but not good enough.

       “Barely. I don’t think I would be able to do it very often,” I admitted. “Not yet. We’re safer with everyone.”

       “Alright. Then that is where we will stay,” he agreed and kissed my forehead.

       “Where is Chen?” I asked in hopes she was nowhere near us until after Sekmet could speak to Qiang and appease his anger as she always did.

       “Se-Yanyu sent her with a servant somewhere until after everything is settled,” Jumoke explained, obviously uncomfortable, but not complaining.

       “Is it the same servant she was hiding with?” I turned to my sister, who shrugged.

       “She was hiding with her when I found them, so probably,” Sekmet elaborated.

       The news should have put me at ease, but I couldn’t relax. The looming cloud wasn’t entirely gone from my feelings. I reassured myself there were just more hunters and that we would be more than safe in the new estate with everyone on alert.

       When Qiang finally returned, clarity hit me. _He_ was the dark cloud now. The warning something would happen. We all stood, I remained beside Jumoke, willing Qiang to forgive my brother’s stupidity.

       “Welcome back, sire,” Sekmet greeted without a hint of defiance. Seeing my sister so obedient, so docile was always unsettling.

       “You’re all safe,” he cooed, making my skin crawl. “Can anyone tell me how the hunters found us in the first place?”

       “I—“

       “It’s my fault,” Jumoke spoke up from behind me, preventing Shador from owning up to his mistake. “I used to hunt monsters in Kemet. I cut ties with those hunters when we changed our identities, but some ties don’t break so easy.”

       I watched Qiang stare over my head to Jumoke before he turned to Shador. Sekmet tensed, moving closer to our brother. There was a familiar fire in her eyes, almost daring Qiang to harm our brother. There was some shift in Qiang’s aura. Normally, he would’ve met my sister’s challenge, would’ve put her back into her place, but no… he backed down. And turned back to us.

       “I see, so you’re willing to lie to me to protect the guilty party,” Qiang mused, calling my lover’s bluff. “Admirable, but stupid. You see, if _Feng_ doesn’t learn his lesson, how can we be sure he won’t repeat it? For centuries, I kept that estate safe, well-guarded, fruitful, and yet one _child’s_ mistake and I have a lot of cleaning up to do. Since you’re so willing to protect him, you can be his lesson.”

       I stared at Qiang, examining his aura, seeing a slight hint of fear in it. Confused by his emotional shift—what was he suddenly afraid of?

       “Sekmet,” Jumoke yelled and I felt him shove me away.

       Sharp, vicious pain sliced through me as understanding ripped away my distractions. I screamed.

       When I turned back, Qiang held Jumoke’s heart. The life fled his eyes, he dropped to his knees. I screamed some more. Screamed so loud, I could hear nothing else, could process nothing else. I shoved and clawed at Sekmet’s arm, desperately tried to get away from her.

       I wanted him dead, I wanted to rip Qiang’s smile from his face, to break the hand that stole Jumoke’s life away. But I couldn’t overpower my sister. Then he was gone.

       “Jumoke!” I yelled, calling his name over and over again. Sekmet released me. With no strength to keep myself up, I fell to Jumoke’s side. His eyes were still open, no fear in them. He dying expression seemed… accepting. I held him tightly, letting his blood stain wherever it touched.

       No matter how long or loud I yelled, he refused to wake up. Without a heart, I couldn’t bring him back. Without my heart, I didn’t want to go on.

       I wept and ignored the others’ pain, ignored their tears. Because neither of them had lost their heart.

* * *

 


	24. Angst -- The year for it. 2995 BC

* * *

 

       Pain, numbness, it was all the same to me. I stared into the darkness, imagining dark shoulders above me, wishing deep brown eyes would peer down into my eyes. No matter how much I strained, I couldn’t hear the heart-beat of my beloved.

       Why was I still alive? It would be easy to wander into the daylight. To let the sun take me and burn my body, releasing my damned soul. Would I be able to enter the afterlife? Would my heart be as weightless as I believed Jumoke’s heart to be?

       I rolled onto my side and held one of his shirts close. The musk of his scent surrounded me and I closed my eyes, burying my mind into my fantasies. Jumoke was alive there. Breathing, smiling, caressing my hair, just ensuring I was relaxed and content. But he also reminded me I had a responsibility to Chen.

       Chen… I threw his shirt across the room. How could I take care of her if I couldn’t find her? And Qiang would see to that. See to me never finding her again. All because my little brother was stupid. Because he couldn’t accept our happiness. I buried my face in the blankets and tried to shut everything out, no more tears left to cry.

       Outside my door, I could hear the pounding of my brother’s heart. Loud and intrusive, frustratingly alive. His breathing was even, probably sleeping. The fool swore to remain at my door, guarding me. Sekmet let him stay there and I supposed I had no choice, but I had never really tried to send him away.

       A short while later I sensed my sister come near. Her aura was determined, filled with purpose. I didn’t trust it. Especially when she shoved my bedroom door open.

       “Jumoke did not give his life so you could ignore our brother forever,” Sekmet stated clearly, immediately pissing me off. She even yanked Shador into my room against his and my will.

       “It’s his fault,” I retorted, refusing to look at either of them.

       “While Shador _was_ stupid and _should_ have listened, he is _not_ the one who killed Jumoke,” she pressed, lecturing me as if I were an idiot. “And you know he wouldn’t want you to blame him. If he wasn’t ready to accept the risk, he wouldn’t have taken it.”

       “Don’t you fucking dare speak for him,” I yelled and jumped to my feet. They barely spoke, barely interacted. “You two weren’t that close.”

       “Maybe not, but we did understand each other,” she continued, her tone pushed my buttons. “Why do you think he threw you to me? So I could keep you from doing something he’d regret.”

       “He’s gone now. What he wants doesn’t matter anymore,” I shouted at her. I didn’t care if she was right. How dare they have a silent pact. How dare she let him leave me like that.

       “Are you going to blame Feng forever?” Sekmet demanded, holding him up like a rag doll. “Are you going to ignore and hate him?”

       “Yanyu, it—“ Shador tried to speak, but she cowed him into silence.

       “Qiang is the one to blame for Jumoke’s death,” Sekmet began to lecture again while she walked her happy ass to my doorway. “He couldn’t let the lesson lie. Couldn’t accept Feng had already learned what he needed to. Jumoke let Qiang take him instead of our brother. If you disagree with your husband’s decision. Rectify it. I’ll leave you two in here for a few days. You can kill our brother or forgive him enough to live with him. I leave the decision to you.”

       She stopped at the door and looked back to our brother. My gaze reluctantly followed hers.

       “I won’t be sending food in to either of you until I’m convinced mending has begun… or Feng is dead.” Sekmet slammed the door behind her.

       I growled in irritation. The arrogance my sister had gained since becoming a Blestemat was finally more than I could tolerate.

       “It’s okay,” Shador spoke softly. I turned to him, my breath felt heavy as I held back the pain even looking at my brother caused me. He sat where she left him, on his knees with his head bowed. More the servant boy he was raised to be than the warrior he had paraded around as.

       “What’s okay, Shador?” I shot at him, unwilling to humor the new identities we were supposed to use. “Jumoke’s death? Chen who knows where with who knows who?”

       “No,” he replied, still speaking softly. “I was stupid and reckless. Arrogant and naïve. If you want to take my life to repay the pain I caused you, do it.”

       I stood up and grabbed him by the neck and lifted him to eye level. He didn’t resist, didn’t beg or whine. Shador didn’t even meet my gaze. I hated it. I wanted a cocky retort that would piss me off, something to show he was still stupid and would repeat the mistake. Some sign of the bastard who got us into the whole situation… but there was none.

       I dropped him and cursed my sister. I wanted to hate her too. If she hadn’t made her deal, if she hadn’t dragged us all into this deal with the devil… if I had trusted her less. Then Jumoke and I would still be in Kemet. He’d be alive, but we’d be living our personal hell forever.

       Instead, we had five years together. A few of those shared with our little girl. We practically lived in bliss… but Sekmet? She lived chained to a monster, subjected to his sexual whims. It was her decision, but one she made for us. One I took for granted. One Shador wanted to save her from.

       “I’m not going to kill you,” I whispered to my brother. “I understand why you wanted to kill that bastard. Why you were so determined to save us from him. But he was an evil Sekmet… an evil Yanyu was willing to sell herself to. One she has tried desperately to protect us from. And I’m no better. I let our sister sell herself for the freedom to love Jumoke and we were going to leave both of you to live with the monster.”

       “But—”

       “Look, Yanyu can deal with disciplining you,” I said, cutting him off and looking away. “Maybe I’ll forgive you one day. But right now, I need space. Looking at you hurts too much right now.”

       “Yanyu said I couldn’t leave until she was convinced we were making up.”

       “Yanyu!” I yelled, making my way to my door. “Let him out of here. I don’t hate him, but I need space.”

 _Then let him out, it’s not like I was holding the door shut_. She yelled back into my mind. _I’m busy._

       Irritably, I opened the door. That bitch played me… I smiled because I fell for it.

       “Go,” I ordered as I walked past my brother.

       “Bast… we’ll get Chen back,” he whispered. “I don’t know how, but I know Yanyu is planning something. I’ll do anything she asks to help. Even if that means doing nothing. I promise, I’ll never disobey her again. That’s how I’ll make this up to you.”

       “Sure. Whatever she thinks is best,” I replied sullenly and used my power to shut the door behind him. I wanted Qiang dead. But he was more than willing to kill any of us and if I tried anything, he’d probably kill Chen to teach me a lesson. Sekmet was the only one who understood him, so I’d follow her again. One day we would be rid of that monster. Until then, I’d play his game to get my little girl back.

       I picked Jumoke’s shirt back up and laid down. I wasn’t done wallowing just yet.

* * *

 


	25. Andrada - The year training began. 2995 BC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author note: I apologize for missing all of Feb and being a day late. Had some deeply personal things to deal with. Thank you for your patience.

* * *

       Empty. All I felt watching my lover’s body become engulfed by the flames was empty. Perhaps I should have cried one last time. Mourned his passing as his physical form left this world. But I had no grief left to feel. I glanced at my baby brother, but looked away immediately. The very sight of him still ignited a painful spike through my heart. At least I didn’t feel like choking him anymore. That was a bonus, wasn’t it?

       The sun dared to peak over the horizon before Jumoke’s body was fully burned. Yanyu took me inside and put Feng in charge of collecting the ashes. The thought twisted like a knife in my soul, but there was no other mortal I would trust with the job. Thus, we left him with his task.

 

       Silly and admittedly a little creepy to some, I decided to have Jumoke’s ashes fashioned into a deep blue diamond by a talented witch Tsvetanka recommended. Then I had the gem embedded into pendant and refused to take it off. The colors of my wardrobe centered around matching the pendant and that was how I chose to cope with his absence.

       Unfortunately, the mentor Yanyu selected for my defense training was much harder to cope with.

       My training started under my sister’s instruction. But no matter how hard she tried, I just couldn’t understand how she felt where I would strike her. There was never a moment I could match her speed, her skill, or her instinct. And her inability to teach me frustrated her to no end, but even so… I would rather be slammed into the ground by my sister than the way Andrada tried to motivate me.

       The pervert was Tsvetanka’s bodyguard and blood-kinling, which meant Tsvetanka had sired him and put him on the same level as Qiang. Above me and someone I had to respect as well as tolerate. Even when all I wanted to do was kill him.

       “You know, I can see why Qiang picked your sister over you,” Andrada taunted after he tripped me onto my ass and pinned me with his legs straddling my hips.

       “Like I care,” I retorted and fruitlessly tried to push him off me.

       “Do you care to know why this is so difficult for you?” he asked, changing tactics.

       With a deep breath, I gave up trying to push him off of me and laid my head back in defeat.

       “Say what you want to say,” I said, tired and frustrated. “It’s clear that you’re not going to drop this.”

       “Because you don’t have the spirit of a survivor,” he explained with a dissatisfied frown. “Do you even know why you want to live?”

       "That’s a stupid question to ask someone who just lost their soul mate,” I snarled at him and threw all of my weight at him, but he effortlessly slammed me back down.

       “Your lover, maybe, your soul mate, doubtful,” he chided me. “Why did you live before him? What kept you going?”

       “How da-“ I tried to speak, but his kissed me. After the moment of shock, I bit his lip. He leaned away, smiling despite my action.

       “Answer my question,” he demanded. “What did you live for?”

       “My people,” I responded angrily. I couldn’t believe his gall. He did what he pleased and acted as if I should pretend nothing happened.

       “Your people? Well, they’re gone now,” he taunted. “You left them. And your lover? He’s gone as well. Now what do you live for?”

       His question set a fire in me… because I didn’t know the answer. My will to go on had nearly vanished when Jumoke lay lifeless in my arms. Why did I go on?

       “My daughter,” I answered confidently.

       “Really? If you live for your daughter, then you need to do better than this,” he continued to taunt me. “This is pathetic. Yanyu doesn’t just have the soul of a survivor, she has the drive. When pushed, she only pushes back if she can win. Until then, she waits. What do you think you’ve been doing wrong?”

       “There’s more than one way to survive,” I said calmly and instead of pushing against him, I willed a telekinetic blast into his chest. Surprised, he nearly fell backwards, but rolled to the side and stood up before I could jump to my feet.

       “Good,” he cooed, pleased with himself. “Figure out how you need to fight. You keep trying to fight me like Yanyu does. You’re not her, are you?”

       “No, I’m not,” I agreed and opened up my mind to feeling him.

       He went behind me, I couldn’t turn around or block it physically, but I did manage to push away from him with another burst of power. Unfortunately, I had never used my powers that way and fell- hard.

       Andrada burst into laughter, but at least he wasn’t pinning me or groping anywhere.

       “Clever, but that’s going to need some more practice,” he said through his laughter. “I think we’re done for the day. Well, _I’m_ done for the day. I want you to stay here and practice working with your powers.”

       I pushed myself up and sighed deeply. He was gone before I had a chance to respond. Fine by me, I preferred to fail in private.

       I stood up and focused my powers. Trying to manifest them as anything other than a sense was frustrating. When Andrada had attacked me, the ability had been almost instinctive. Yet, I couldn’t do it on my own. I crossed my arms and tapped my finger against the fabric of my sleeve.

       Is this what Yanyu felt when she couldn’t explain to me how she blocked something with her arm before she saw it move? Instinct maybe. But I focused on the two blasts I had forced at him. I closed my eyes and focused on a point in front of me and decided I didn’t like that imaginary point close to me.

       Still nothing. Never before had I truly struggled to use my abilities and I wasn’t sure why this was proving difficult. I sighed, but something was coming up behind me and I forced a blast at them. I turned to look at the source of laughter to see Andrada’s annoying smile.

       “Looks like you need me to train.”

       “Shut up and get up.”

* * *

 


	26. We were finally reunited. 2994 BC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the posting has been a little off, but it'll be back on schedule from now on and I'll make up the 3 missed chapters as I can. Keep an eye out. ^^

* * *

 

       A self-satisfied smile was usually the first sign my sister was up to something. She strutted her ass into the yard I was practicing some basic movements in to let my muscles memorize them. Curious, I reached out to read her mood. Before I could, my attention was snatched away by the human presence with her.

       “Chen!” I cried out, closing the distance between us.

       Little arms held me tightly as tears flowed freely from both our eyes. I cupped her face and looked into her memory, terrified of the torture Qiang could have put her through. Thankfully, I found none. True to his word, she had been well cared for by a human woman.

       I kissed her forehead, her cheeks, and her nose. My heart overflowed with relief and joy… until she spoke.

       “I missed you so much! Where is baba?” she asked through her tears and excitement. The small, innocent question crushed my heart all over again.

       “He’s a-he’s,” I couldn’t finish the sentence as I held her against me.

       “Far away,” Yanyu but in softly. “He’s gone on a journey through Duat. And when he passes all his tests, he will rest in Aaru. One day, you may see him again. But this is a journey he had to take so you could come back to your mother.”

       “He’s gone?” Chen asked, understanding enough of my sister’s tale to catch that.

       “Yes,” I admitted, keeping my voice steady. “But I’m here. I’ll always be here to watch over you.”

       Chen was quiet for a moment. I looked down into the contemplative face of my toddler. There was a coldness to her I couldn’t explain. She clutched the front of my quju and buried her face in my shoulder.

       “Baba said that,” she whispered. “I was alone.”

       Suddenly, I knew the coldness for what it was. Fear. Broken trust. I held her as tightly as I felt was safe. My comfort wouldn’t mend her heart or fix her fears, but still my gentle pats on her back and shushes calmed her. I stood there, holding the rest of my world within my arms until she cried herself to sleep.

       “What do I do?” I asked my sister. Always she had answers and while they weren’t always good answers, they were better than the emptiness of my thoughts.

       “You raise her. Make good on the promise you gave her and try to make up for the one we all broke,” Yanyu stated as if it was the simplest solution in the world. “We can’t change the past. We can barely control the present, forget about the future. If you want it, there is a safehouse Qiang is willing to give us. I won’t be there all the time, but it will keep you, Feng, and Chen well away from him and the trouble that attracts him.”

       “And you expect me to trust Feng there?” I demanded, harsher than intended, but I didn’t regret my tone.

       “I expect you to trust me,” Yanyu responded, once again as if the situation were that simple. “Andrada is returning to his sire’s side. Qiang wishes for my continued company because I’ve become interesting to him again. We still have six years to take advantage of his human advantages. That’s six years he can protect Chen while you sleep in the daylight. Do you have another you would trust her with?”

       I remained silent, unable to answer her. Despite my grievances with Feng… he had been nothing but obedient since everything happened. He had only ever wanted to protect our sister and had learned a lesson. My head defended him, but my heart ached.

       “If anything happens to her because of him—”

       ‘I’ve already given his life to you,” Yanyu interrupted. “He lives or dies by your decision alone.”

       “Pretty words,” I said bitterly. “You’d never let me kill him anymore than I’d let you kill Chen.”

       For once, she said nothing. Yanyu even looked away, her expression neutral, unreadable. Even her aura was clouded from me. That wasn’t all either… she felt stronger than she used to her being altered a little. Was that how she managed to return my Chen?

       “If that is what you truly believe,” Yanyu said carefully, every word punctuated with purpose. “Then you’d know there’s no real point in threatening him, is there?”

       “Yes,” I admitted, curious as to my sister’s intent.

       “Bast reborn to Ying. You have always and will always be my previous sister,” she said, her tone softened. “I love you more than I could dare to describe. I’ve hated the world for what they did to us. Hated our father’s ego for separating us. If I’m honest, I hated you for picking Jumoke before we ever had a chance to enjoy life together. I’ve tried everything to ensure you’d be happy so I could find my own happiness. And Feng, my little Shador… you’re right. I could never let you take him away from me. Do what you must. Go to the safehouse or don’t, it’s up to you. But Feng will be there. Because I will not throw him to the wolves to appease your anger.”

       “You speak as if my anger is not justified,” I defended myself quietly, holding Chen close to me.

       “You’re as justified in your anger as I am in my decision to forgive,” she stated with a tired sigh. “Jumoke gave his life to protect our brother. Feng was more than willing to suffer Qiang’s wrath and trust me, he wouldn’t have taken Feng’s heart. He would have taken Feng and turned him into his next toy. I will always be grateful to Jumoke. But Bast… I can’t do this forever. I can’t keep going back and forth trying to sooth you and defend him. I know it still hurts, it always will. There are three options for you. Trust Feng to live in the safehouse with you. Find your own safehouse. Or stay in Qiang’s company.”

       I hated every time she said that. Jumoke gave his life for Shador. I didn’t ask him to. I didn’t want him to. But I didn’t want my brother dead… did I?

       “We’ll go to the safehouse,” I said and turned from her to return to my room for the night. “It won’t be forever, but I either hate Feng or I hate Jumoke. And for now, I choose to hate the one I can see.”

       Forgiveness was difficult for me. I had never really needed to forgive anyone for anything before, not seriously. On my way to my room, I spotted Feng training with Andrada. The older man slammed my brother into the ground time after time again, but he was taking longer and had to get more creative to do it. While I was proud of him, I still chose to blame Feng. At least until Chen was older… until he proved he wouldn’t relapse into stupidity.      

* * *

 


	27. Sometimes faith is earned. 2993 BC

* * *

 

       Living at the safehouse without my sister was harder than I thought possible… and not for the reason I had assumed.

       Feng kept his distance in the evenings, but never left. While I slept, without complaint, he took on the role of nanny for Chen. At times he even seemed to prefer taking care of Chen to anything else. As the nights went by, as the weeks passed, I began to let Feng near Chen and myself at night. We even became comfortable with one another after a time.

       However, every night we spent in safety, in the comfort of the sanctuary, my mind wandered to our sister. Somehow, she had learned to suppress our bond so that even when I reached out to her, if she didn’t want me to feel her emotions, I couldn’t. For once, I was left in the dark because I had to be, not because I wanted to be. And that forced me to think about my relationship with my sister… to come to understand her relationship with our brother.

       The reason she wasn’t with us was because she was paying for our freedom. How spoiled had I been? To never thank her for what she’d given up for us? I had hated Feng for making a mistake when he was trying to protect our sister. Something that neither Jumoke or I had even considered trying.

       My thoughts often battled with my emotions on clear nights, when the moon was high and Chen was studying with Feng. When I was younger, I would defend myself, thinking I had never asked my sister for this life. That I shouldn’t have to feel responsible for her decision… but she had made the decision when she was too young to truly understand the repercussions. But then, I would have to accept I was genuinely powerless to change anything.

       “Yang?” Feng called to me, saving me from thoughts I would have begun to wallow in.

       ‘Yes, Feng?” I replied without turning to him.

       “I think Chen is getting a cold,” he said gently. “We should send for a physician.”

       Without a word, I went to my daughter’s room. The room was quiet, save for the slow, deep, steady breathing of little Chen. Her little cheeks were flushed, her skin paler than usual. Silently, I knelt beside her and placed my hand upon her forehead.

       A heavy weight formed in the pit of my stomach. Her forehead was hot, though her skin was clammy.

       “How long has she had this fever?” I asked quietly, feelings of failure weighing down my shoulders.

       “She was tired today, but she wasn’t warm or pale,” Feng explained softly. “She seemed fine when you first awoke, but nodded off during her studies. I thought maybe she just needed some extra sleep as children sometimes do. But when I came to check on a few moments ago, I noticed this.”

       “We can’t bring anyone here,” I whispered, my throat tight, my voice strained. “But I’m afraid neither of us have the knowledge to treat her.”

       “Well… you could contact Yanyu,” he suggested, remaining in the doorway.

       “She hasn’t been keeping our connection open,” I said almost bitterly.

       “Unless she’s broken your sire bond, there’s no way she can entirely shut you out,” Feng explained, patiently. “If you call to her, she’ll know and I’m sure she’ll sense your urgency.”

       “Are you certain? I haven’t been able to feel her emotions lately.”

       “I swear, the hunters put far more effort into their protégé’s knowledge than the Blastemat do,” Feng said bitterly, a deep sigh escaping him. “Yanyu is your  _sire._ And she’s fed from a vampire much older, certainly more powerful than she was. It’s likely she can now control which of her feelings gets through your bond. But you have only ever fed from humans… you can’t break through her barrier without a lot of effort and she’ll notice if you try. Even if she’s not directly hearing you.”

       Silence drifted between us as I let my gaze fall back to Chen’s sleeping face. Really, I didn’t even understand why I was protesting.

       With a deep breath, I reached out. Not to spy on my sister’s feelings, but to speak to her. To get her attention and share my thoughts.

 _Is something wrong?_  Her words slipped into my mind, soft and filled with concern.

 _Chen’s sick. We don’t have a doctor here._  I explained, hoping she could get away from Qiang to bring someone we could trust.

       Before I could blink, my sister stood beside me. I jumped, startled, but Feng seemed unsurprised by her sudden appearance.

       “We don’t need a doctor,” Yanyu said quietly and knelt beside me. “I’ve been learning a little more about what we can do. Not from Qiang, he’s pretty useless when it comes to anything other than providing protection.”

       “We can heal people?” I asked, pain gripping my heart.

       “To an extent…” Yanyu paused and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Our blood carries a concentrated form of the life we feed from humans. We can share that, a little. It’s how we are able to turn people. But they have to have their hearts still intact as far as I know.”

       “But she’s far too younger to be turned,” I protested, ready to argue, but trying to hear her out while I pushed back the answer I hadn’t asked for.

       “Turning is different. We have to exchange life, remember? If I just give her a little of my blood, it should fight off the illness quickly,” Yanyu offered, holding her hand out to me. “I leave it for you to decide. But it may take a while to find a doctor Qiang will allow here. He doesn’t have one on call as our kind tend to be very healthy.”

       “You’re sure this will heal her without turning her?”

       “Of course. I still won’t turn Feng, I’m not about to risk a child,” she responded, and cut her palm with a sharpened fingernail.

       Tentatively, I opened Chen’s mouth and watched as Yanyu brought her hand over. She tightened her fist, letting just a few drops of blood fall passed my daughter’s lips. Mere seconds after she pulled her hand away, the flush left Chen’s cheeks. I could feel her skin return to normal, her little eyes fluttered open.

       “Hey,” I whispered, gently stroking Chen’s hair. “How do you feel?”

       “Good,” she whispered and yawned. “Hello, Aunt Yanyu.”

       “Hey there, little one,” Yanyu greeted and poked Chen’s nose. The cut on her palm had already healed, leaving behind no trace of her wound.

       “Are you going to stay with us?” she asked softly.

       “For a little while. If your mom wants me to.” Yanyu turned to me, her expression soft and curious.

       “Yeah. It’ll be nice,” I responded with a genuine smile. “We have a lot to talk about.”

 _Please don’t._  She requested, her words once again smoothly gliding into my mind.  _I don’t need you to suddenly regret my choices for me. I made mine, you made yours. Let me take care of you and Feng while you take care of Chen. That’s all I want from you. I’ll have my freedom someday. We all will._

       There was a strange confidence to her tone. And for once… I didn’t doubt her future, didn’t have to go against my own feelings to go along with her. Possibly, for the first time, I didn’t just trust she knew what she was doing… I  _believed_  she did.

       “Such as Chen’s lessons.”

* * *

 


	28. Friends in all places 2292 BC

* * *

 

      “Are we going to stay here until I turn?” Feng asked, taking a seat beside me.

      “That was the plan,” I replied and wiped some imaginary dust from my sleeve. “But, I do not think it would be good for Chen to remain here until her childhood has passed.”

      “Ying, you wound me,” he professed, pretending to cover his heart. “I am not _that_ young.”

      “And yet, my statement is not untrue.”

      Chen laid on her stomach, cheerfully playing with a small ball and some sticks. Another five years here would cripple her ability to empathize with others. While I was protective of her safety, I knew my sister was even worse with Feng… yet… we would _have_ to convince her to let us leave to find our own sanctuary.

      “We probably shouldn’t stay in this area,” he said thoughtfully, taking a moment to consider his words. “Yanyu plans to take a trip for a little while. We should give her a few days, then we can call for her. I’m sure she’ll find somewhere suitably safe where Chen can make plenty of friends.”

      “How is it that you are so up to date with our dear sister?” I asked him, suspicious and curious. While I knew everything he did in the night, the daylight hours were entirely his to do with as he pleased. A rather unsettling notion I tried not to distrust.

      “Because we’re connected,” he stated, but seemed to sense my unease. “She exchanged a modicum of blood with me. Not enough to turn me, but enough to connect us. Usually something like this is done with uh… favored blood whores. But Yanyu felt it was the best way to keep an eye on me since I… fucked up.”

      For some reason, his phrasing made me chuckle. However, I did wonder why Yanyu hadn’t explained the connection to me. If I had known she could constantly monitor our brother, I might not have been so angry with her over sharing the safehouse. Did she… not trust me?

      “Ying?”

      “Sorry, I was lost in thought,” I apologized and gave him a small smile. “Does it ever upset you? That she can watch you whenever she wants and has effectively stripped you of your freedom?”

      “No,” he replied easily, sincerely. “I had my freedom. I… wasted it. Ignored everything she and Jumoke told me, and he paid for that. Because I thought too highly of my own opinion—I thought I knew what was best for everyone. Being wrong… it was a hard lesson. You know,” he paused, a small chuckle escaped his lips despite the tear down his cheek. “It’s funny. None of us grew up with parents. Neither you nor I questioned our caretakers, but S-Yanyu did. And it seems she’s the only one who truly understands the responsibility of freedom. Which is why I’ll wait until she believes I’m ready. Instead of begging or taking it behind her back.”

      “I’m not waiting for her to tell me I can be free,” I responded defensively. “I just lack the resources she’s gathered to find a safe home for Chen outside of this one.”

      “Funny how you won’t get those resources by staying here,” he retorted with a smug smirk. “Yet you were ready and willing to go out and get them on your own a few years ago.”

      Instead of responding, I found myself staring at him, completely stunned. Was I… trapped? Not by my sister, but by circumstance? No, it wasn’t fair to compare our situations. Before I had a human to care for Chen during the day. If I left without help, then my daughter’s life would be in danger.

      “Where has she gone?” I demanded, changing the topic.

      “I don’t know exactly,” he admitted and leaned back, folding his arms over his chest. “Someone told her stories of a mountain that was home to gods and I guess she wanted to check it out.”

      “Why would she want to do that? Yanyu doesn’t believe gods exist.”

      I felt a tiny person crawl into my lap with some dolls. I glanced down, but Chen seemed content to play in my lap with my arms cradled around her.

      “Do you?” he asked me, a strange tone in his voice.

      “I used to,” I admitted, unashamed of my past beliefs and uncertain of my present feelings. “Now though, if they’re up there, then they’re not too interested in our troubles. What about you, Feng? You were actually raised to be a real priest, not just one in title.”

      “I don’t know if the gods as they’re taught are real, but I know divine beings exist,” he spoke with such confidence, all I could do was stare and listen. “You can see the auras of people and you know I can. Mortals who are descended from divine beings have a golden glow to their aura, no matter what other colors are there. It’s why I never doubt my sisters were goddesses. Both your auras were golden. I’ve only seen one other person with a golden aura.”

      While I enjoyed the chatty nature my brother had gained during our time together, his words left me unsettled again. Then I wondered… could he not see his own aura? He hadn’t listed himself as having one, but I knew he did. Our father… was he truly descended from divinity? If not one of the Gods of Kemet, then from who?

      “The other divine descendent, it was Ramses, wasn’t it?” I demanded, suddenly uncertain what that could mean for any of us.

      “Yes. I do theorize that divine children have unique eyes as well. We three have eyes similar to the man who fathered us and Ramses had golden eyes unlike any I’d ever seen,” Feng explained, beginning to ramble. “Come to think of it, he said he came from a mountain where they worshipped a snake goddess. That he was descended from that goddess. Do you think that’s where she went? If her sire found out she went away to—”

      “She went to explore,” I quickly cut in. “That’s it. That’s all we know. All that’s certain. Say _nothing else._ ”

      Slowly, he nodded his head. Our gazes separated, his out the window, mind down to the precious bundle in my lap. We’d get her friends. Even if I had to steal them from an orphanage.

* * *

 


	29. The Night I put it to Rest 2992 BC

* * *

 

       With a deep sigh, Chen shook her head at some silent debate I could see warring in her mind. Fang was preparing dinner for the two of them while I considered reading Chen’s thoughts to see just what had her so concerned. What could possibly be troubling my six-year-old so? Yet, if I did, she’d know and I may suffer her disgruntled childish wrath.

       “When is Yímā Yanyu coming?” she finally asked, keeping her gaze down.

       “Why do you ask?” I was careful with my tone, hoping it was more curious than suspicious.

       “I want to tell her about my friends,” Chen answered, looking up slowly. “But I don’t know if she’ll be mad.”

       “Why would she be mad?” I asked, softening my tone and moving towards her.

       “We’re not supposed to leave without her, right?” Chen finally looked up into my eyes. “But we do… a lot.”

       "Sweet one, she will not be upset at us,” I reassured her and tenderly rubbed the top of her head. “Yanyu will be thrilled that you have friends. I think she’d be upset if we kept you locked up here without any friends at all.”

       “Really?”

       “Why are you afraid of your yímā?” I couldn’t keep the concern from my tone. While I loved my sister, there was no reason Chen should fear her. The two had barely seen each other since we separated.

       “I’m not scared,” Chen shot defensively, almost offended. “But what if she gets upset with you or Jiùjiu Feng? I don’t want you to fight.”

       That was the first time I realized Chen heard more than I had ever wanted her to. After giving her a soft smile, I reached out to my sister. It didn’t take long for her to appear before me.

       “To what do I owe the pleasure of this summons?” Yanyu asked in a teasing manner. “Your timing is perfect.”

       There was a sadness from my sister… the very fact I could feel her emotions again was strange and to me, a sign her trip hadn’t gone the was she had hoped. At least I assumed. But her trip wasn’t the reason I had contacted her.

       “We wanted to tell you about our visits to town,” I answered and gently pressed against Chen’s shoulders.

       “Your visits to town?” Yanyu asked, her tone curious and her attention turning to Chen. She sat down and patted the spot beside her. “Tell me all about them. Did you know that my favorite task as a Goddess was listening to the stories of travelers?”

       “It was?” Chen asked, eagerly sitting beside my sister. “But I thought we weren’t supposed to leave?”

       “We’ll have to keep it a secret then,” Yanyu whispered as she leaned towards Chen. “But you shouldn’t leave without your mom, okay?”

       “And Jiùjiu Feng?” Chen whispered back. The exchange brought a warmth to my chest.

       “If that’s what your mom says,” Yanyu confirmed with a small glance to me. “I just want you three to be safe and happy. That doesn’t mean you have to stay here forever.”

       “Really? You’re not upset?”

       “I’m not upset,” Yanyu reassured her and kissed the top of Chen’s head. “Now, are you going to tell me all about your visits?”

       “Well, I wanted to tell you about my friends,” Chen corrected. “Māma wanted to tell you about our visits.”

       “Oh well, my mistake,” Yanyu said with an apologetic smile. “Tell me about your friends.”

       “Well, there’s Mo Chou whose a little bigger than me, but really quiet and doesn’t like to talk much, but she listens well. Ru Shi is really loud and likes to fight—except she doesn’t fight me. She says I’m too little,” Chen eagerly described her friends, though she slowed down when I sat beside her. “It’s okay though because I don’t want to fight.”

       “Is that so?” Yanyu asked with a tone I couldn’t quite read.

       “What do you want to do?” I asked, butting in before my sister could put any ideas into Chen’s head.

       “I want to dance,” Chen answered easily. She stood up and very ungracefully moved her hands in a circular motion before she took a step forward and tripped, falling right into Yanyu’s lap.

       “I believe that can be arranged, but only if you learn to remain standing,” Yanyu teased Chen. I watched as they stood together and my sister began to demonstrate a very simple dance I had seen local women engage in. While they practiced, I went to check on dinner and our brother’s whereabouts.

       Feng was alone, sitting outside with his back to the wall. Curious, I sat beside him without a word.

       “Dinner looks to be coming along nicely,” I said in a soft, but chastising tone. My brother shrugged, then took in a slow, deep breath. Patience was a virtue of mine and I waited until he was ready to speak.

       “One of the villagers mistook me for Chen’s father,” he said quietly, digging one of his fingers into the ground. “Not that we look anything alike. But he said he assumed I had taken her in.”

       “And why does this bother you?”

       “Doesn’t it bother you?” he retorted, but I could hear the uncertainty in his tone. “Because her _father_ is gone. Because of me, she… I’m not father material. Fuck, I’m not brother material.”

       “And what in Ra’s name does that even mean?” I asked him, gently shoving his shoulder with mine. “You’re not her father. But you are her uncle, and her father is gone. I can’t say I’ve forgiven you, yet. But I know that you’ve grown. You’re not the same kid who got Jumoke killed.”

       “How can you say that?” he demanded, bringing his knees up to hide behind. “Yanyu only trusts me because we’re blood bonded and she knows I _can’t_ fuck up without her knowing. And you only trust me because we were forced to live together. I still haven’t earned any of this.”

       “Oh well,” Yanyu’s voice cut through the building tension. “You don’t have to earn being our brother, Feng. You just are. I bonded you so that I couldn’t fail you again. I should have been stricter.”

       “I don’t want to have this argument again,” he snapped before his tone quieted. Watching the two, I realized this was a conversation repeated in different ways since Jumoke had died and likely one that would continue to repeat for years to come. Unless… maybe… I could end it.

       “Qiang killed Jumoke,” I cut off whatever my sister had been planning to say. “We were all young, all wrapped up in our own worlds, but ultimately, he could have let it go. But he didn’t. He is at fault for his actions, not either of you.”

       “But Ba-Ying—”

       “No buts, Feng,” I said firmly. “Now, go make dinner.”

       “Jiùjiu Feng,” Chen spoke up. Her little face smiled at him as if she had heard nothing, though I doubted that. “Can I show you my dance?”

       Feng looked up at Chen. With a gentle smile, he put his knees back down.

       “Of course, little one. Show me what Yanyu taught you.”

* * *

 


	30. Enjoying the simple things. 2990 BC

* * *

 

       Dancing quickly became Chen’s favorite pastime. I often woke to the sounds of her feet smacking against the floor. She was graceful and light on her feet, not a natural, but her hard work had certainly begun to pay off much faster than we thought it would.

       There were times when she wanted to bring her friends to the safehouse, but we were _always_ adamant about turning her down. There was no chance for her to try and disobey us since she was never unescorted on her way to and from the house.

       However, we still understood her desire to host her friends at her home. And thus, Feng worked on building a little secret house for the children to play in. He built it near a small creak that flowed through the woods in the land between our estate and the village where Chen’s friends lived.

       Of course, there was always an adult with them at the house. Sometimes they would complain, but once again, we refused to budge on the rules. Thankfully, Chen was an easy child and preferred to spend her time teaching her friends to dance or going on little adventures with a protector shadowing their little group. It was, after all, much better than being cooped up in the house all day and night.

       Thanks to her busy days of adventuring and lessons at night, I could put her to bed without much effort. Then, the late nights could be spent with my siblings, something we desperately needed after decades of being apart.

       “I’m thinking of Babylon or Mesopotamia for our first family trip,” Yanyu mused while she ran her finger along the surface of a small table. 

       “I have no idea where either of those places are,” Feng replied before a loud yawn escaped him. “But I’m sure they’ll be nice to visit. We still have a long time before we can go, right?”

       “A few more years at least,” I interjected and took a seat near them. “Then it all depends on how long it’ll take you to get the blood lust under control.”

       “It didn’t take either of you very long,” he replied with a wide smile. “I don’t see why it would take me years to control it.”

       “He has a point,” Yanyu agreed with a heavy sigh. Every time we spoke of his turning, her shoulders tightened, but she never explained why, never said a negative word about it. “We are of the same blood, his reaction should follow after ours, even if our mothers were different.”

       “We don’t have to leave that soon though,” Feng piped up and looked over at me. “If you want Chen to have more time with her friends. It would be better to wait until I could at least wake up during the day, wouldn’t it?”

       There were few things that would have made me smile wider than his offer. The truth was, I didn’t know if I wanted to stay longer or leave the weight of my loss behind. Or if leaving even would lighten that weight.

       “We’ll see when the time comes,” I replied softly, turning to look out of a small window. “Tell us about these places. Babylon and Mesopotamia. Why do you want to go there?”

       “There’s more than simple tribes there,” she began to explain, her gaze became unfocused. “Empires like our dear Kemet that the Akkadian Empire sounded comfortable. They worship Ishtar amongst other gods, so we could probably fit in easier. Then again, it may be too close to home for our first travel.”

       “And Babylon?” Feng pressed.

       “Honestly, more of the same,” she admitted with a wry smile. “They also share some of our gods. Perhaps I am more homesick than I would like to admit.”

       “Then perhaps, we should avoid temptation and go somewhere entirely different,” Feng suggested, mirroring my own feelings. “I have heard of a kingdom in the center of a sea. The only way to get there is by boat, but they embrace newcomers… humans and non-humans alike.”

       “Oh?” Yanyu asked, her head lifting with a curious glimmer in her eye. I swore, if she had a tail, it would be swishing from side to side.

       “I heard about it when I…-“

       “When you were with the hunters?” I finished for him, pushing down the mixture of unease and anger that threatened to bubble up.

       “Yes. They warned not to go there because it was a land that protected that which they swore to hunt,” he explained, his tone gaining strength the more he spoke. “I think they more prevent hunting and murder of any kind, but the hunters seem to believe nonhumans ‘got away’ with killing more often by claiming self-defense.”

       “At the very least, this place deserves to be looked into,” Yanyu practically cooed. “Do you know anything else about them? Anything about their beliefs or their culture?”

       “Not a lot,” he admitted, followed by another yawn. “I wasn’t very focused on learning more about it at the time.”

       “Boy, get to bed,” Yanyu commanded gently. “And I’ll be up with Chen in the morning. She’ll have to delay going to the village until you wake, but you need sleep. You’re still human.”

       “Mostly,” he grumbled.

       “Feng, go,” I urged, siding with our sister. “How will you protect her if you’re too tired to stay awake?”

       “I’m going, I’m going,” he grumbled again, but with a soft smile. “I love you both.”

       We watched him walk to his room, a comfortable silence settling between us. Yanyu returned to tracing patterns on the table, though the more I watched her, the more I wondered if those patterns were really maps. Our brother’s question stuck in my thoughts… I agreed to travel, but did I want to?

       Traveling had been my sister’s dream, Jumoke’s dream. The idea had excited me because I could be with Jumoke if I left Kemet, and then if we went off on our own. But… we were making a life in China. A small, isolated life. Less isolated than my own childhood had be. With a deep sigh, I crossed my arms.

       “Stay or go, it’s your decision,” Yanyu piped up.

       “How did you—”

       “I guessed. I just want you to know, you don’t _have_ to travel with us.” She turned to look at me. “I can be here in a moment’s notice if you need me. I can blood bond Chen as I did Feng so she would also be able to summon me. You should live your life, Ying.”

       “I’ll… think about it.”

       The concept seemed so simple… and yet… it never felt that way.

* * *

 


	31. I didn't like making decisions. 2988 BC

* * *

 

       There were moments in our life that truly felt… surreal. When I looked to my sister, she was still physically the same as she had been for about a decade. Yet, nearly everything else about here had changed. From the way she hid her feelings behind a mask that displayed an amused disinterest, or the way she could patiently observe anything for hours.

       Yet, Feng and Chen continued to grow in every way. My daughter no longer fit into my lap and loved to bury her face in my stomach whenever she hugged me. She loved keeping her long hair in styles more align with my heritage than her own, likely learned from observing Yanyu who saw no reason not to embrace Kemet fashions while she was in the privacy of our estate. Thankfully, Chen still preferred to wear a qui when she went out with her friends.

       My brother had become a mountain of a man. His long hair was often kept pulled back and he showed as much modesty as are sister did. They just kept getting bigger while Yanyu and I remained the same. We all grew as people, but… the reality my daughter would some day look as old… maybe even older than me didn’t settle well.

       I also realized humans would notice. While we were safe on our borrowed estate, there was no guarantee we would be safe going further into town. These villagers didn’t have the same loyalty as those who lived near Qiang’s main home and even they had been infiltrated by hunters at one point.

       My mind at the time was a jumble of what-ifs and trying to enjoy the moments. Yanyu never pressured me to leave China as she had Kemet. In a way, I felt even more lost without her two cents on the situation. The decision wouldn’t just affect my life… it would affect Chen’s as well. I had years to decide, but time moved too fast and before I knew it, Feng had reached his twenty-fifth year and we had celebrated.

       That night, I took Chen to her room to sleep, though she was far past the age to need it. She smiled up at me, I braced myself for the inevitable.

       “What’s wrong, Māma?” her voice was gentle and sweet, her tone the unfiltered concern of a child.

       “Nothing is wrong,” I replied and sat beside her. “But sometime soon, Yímā Yanyu and Jiùjiu Feng will be leaving on a journey. We could go with them if you want.”

       “What do you want, Māma?”

       “I want to keep you happy,” I answered without hesitation, running my fingers through her loose hair. “I have many, many years to travel with my siblings. I do not have as many to raise you. When I was a child, everyone made decisions for me. I do not wish to do that to you. So, Chen, if you want to continue to grow with your friends, we will stay. And if you wish to travel, we will do that.”

       “If I decide… then are your decisions still being made by others?” she asked, carefully guarding her feelings from me. Perhaps she spent too much time observing my sister.

       Admittedly, her words brought forth a familiar fire. A desire to yell and deny the accusation, but… she was right. And that would have been an over-reaction.

       “Then let’s decided together,” I suggested, keeping my tone light.

       “If we go, we can take Ru Shi with us. Her family have all passed and she… lives in the playhouse,” Chen admitted, looking away. “She would come with us. Then I’d have a friend and we can all stay together.”

       “Are you worried you would miss your Yímā and Jiùjiu?” I teased her a little. “They would come to us whenever we wanted them to.”

       “You want to stay?” she asked, wasting none of her words.

       “I just want us to be a family. And we’ll travel to do so,” I promised her. With a gentle kiss to her forehead, I left her room and took a deep breath.

       I never actually answered her.

       A burst of energy pushed through the air before it was pulled back towards its source. My brother’s life force flickered before it darkened, changing into the distinctive cold sensation only the damned held. Then, everything settled. Feng had turned. The wait would begin, as did my final selection process for his first bloodwhore. I already had a few potentials in mind, but…

       The whole thing still left me uneasy. Yanyu and my bloodwhores didn’t need to live with us, we were both strong and old enough to only need to feed every few weeks. But Feng would need to feed daily for a while and his whore could end up dead if he made a mistake. When I changed… I never imagined I would need to feed from anyone else. I couldn’t imagine relying on a stranger to feed from daily.

       Then again, Yanyu had rejected her intended bloodwhore and seemed to prefer feeding on strangers. Only time would tell how our brother would be. Though he usually favored our sister when it came to preferences. Pushing past whatever had kept me simply standing in thought. I wanted to discuss the final options with my sister, trusting she would know our brother’s taste better than I. Really, why would she even ask me to find him someone in the first place? All my bloodwhores had been selected for me and trained before I even fed from them.

       However, when I opened the door to his room, I paused. Though I had grown accustomed to my sister sitting in silence, the air was heavy. Her mask was gone, her face wrinkled and taunt from some stress or concern she kept inside. Carefully, I backed away and slid the door shut.

       Yanyu trusted me to handle finding Feng’s very first lifeline when he awoke. Not to force more decisions on me, but because she was handling something within herself and was _relying_ on my _help._ Though I wanted to ask her what was wrong, it wasn’t the time. I had a task to perform and I needed to get to it.

       Eventually, I’d unwind the tangle of thoughts and feelings… eventually.

* * *

 


	32. Everyone grows at their own rate - 2988BC

* * *

 

       There was a strange calmness our brother possessed that didn’t seem to come naturally to either my sister or myself. Once he had awoken and fed, Feng took to his new strength and abilities as if he were born with them. A curious and potentially terrifying development if he wasn’t on our side.

       Despite the fact I _could_ be awake during the day, I always felt sluggish and tired. Yanyu seemed to have overcome the feeling and took over the errands as well as watching over Chen and her friends when they were in the playhouse, though my sister never went in or interacted with them.

       Which left me to watch over the sleeping Feng and his sleeping bloodwhore. I can’t recall her original name because in all the years she was with us, her name was Shai. Unfortunately, she also slept during the day. Most of my days were dull. It was difficult to even focus on the mundane or menial tasks. The feeling was uncomfortably similar to the drug the hunters had used on us.

       Yet, I was determined to overcome the sun’s pull on me. One day, desperate and annoyed, I turned to my sister.

       “How do you do it?” I demanded.

       “I told the sun to go fuck itself a long time ago,” she answered as if that was the most obvious solution. Sensing my rising irritation, she sighed. “Honestly… I told Ra he had no control over me. That I would move freely in the day as I never could in Kemet. Then I forced myself, day after day, to get up, to move. When I took in Andrada’s blood I was already able to stay awake all day and move about, but that boost in power closed the final gap I guess. I’m confident if I had just kept at it, I would have been able to reach this level of alertness, but it would have taken much longer. It’s like any other muscle or power, Ying. You push it until it hurts, and it gets stronger.”

       “Is that your secret then? To everything? Push until it hurts?” I asked, curious and breathy.

       “In my experience, everything eventually brings pain. Might as well get something out of it,” she replied with a cheeky smile. The sentiment was… almost depressing to me.

       “But you still can’t go out in the sunlight?” Slowly, I raised my arm and let it slump back down.

       “Nope,” she replied with a sigh. “Direct sunlight still burns fiercely. I have heard there are those who don’t burn. But they’re ancient, the progenitors of the bloodlines or something like that.”

       “Where did you hear about them?” I leaned back and rested my back against a large pillow.

       “From Andrada during one of our matches,” she explained as she stretched her arms out and over her head. “He also shared that those with real power have little reason to bother with lies. What makes them dangerous is the truth they speak that cannot be denied even when it makes others questions their beliefs.”

       “Do you think he was telling you the truth?” It all seemed like complicated nonsense at the time, but all I could do was focus on her words, not really process the deeper ideas.

       “That’s how Qiang first enticed me,” Yanyu admitted while she stared at a closed window. “Everything he said was true. He offered me power, the gift of immortality with almost no weaknesses. He didn’t hide his price.”

 _Just took advantage of a naïve girl._ I thought but knew better than to voice it. Yanyu would only get defensive.  

       “I need to go make Ru Shi the offer,” she said and stood up. “The sun will be setting soon. You should get some rest. I’ll watch Feng and Shai until they wake. Then I’ll go for the girl.”

       “You’re really planning to let her come with us?” My question was rooted in concern for the girl. She wasn’t family, Yanyu wouldn’t protect her the way she did the rest of us and if it came down to it, neither would I.

       “Yes. And if she does, she’ll be my responsibility,” she declared and adjusted her qua.

       “Your responsibility how?” This time, I was very, very curious as to my sister’s intent. Despite my curiosity, my eyes were beginning to flutter closed. It almost hurt to force them back open, my lids were so heavy.

       “Not as a daughter if that’s what you think,” she dismissed with a snort. “I have no desire to have children. My hands are full enough as it is. If we are to build up our own resources, then it must start somewhere. Shai is Feng’s responsibility. You’ll need to select a bloodwhore for our travels. I’ll feed when I need to. We can’t trust any of the current guards to believe Ru Shi is off limits unless I claim her. And _I_ can’t trust her unless I can track her. I won’t make the same mistake twice.”

       Silence fell between us. My heart ached for my sister. Rather than feel a maternal need to care for this girl, she was taking her well being on out of fear. At the time, I truly wondered if we’d always be haunted by our mistakes or if we’d ever truly forgive ourselves. Pain seemed to ring clear, even in my groggy state.

       “Sek—”

       “Get rest, Ying,” she interrupted and turned to face me with that neutral mask se had mastered. “Don’t read more than what is there. I can _learn_ from the past without being weighed down by it. I can feel it in our bond, you’re letting it leak out. Look, I trusted our brother to be wiser than he should’ve been. He was a child. This girl, she’s even younger. Children are easily fooled into thinking they’re helping. I’m just making sure she won’t be.”

       “If that’s what you want me to believe,” I replied stubbornly. “We’ll see if you feel that way once you meet her.”

       “Go get some rest.” Her tone wasn’t commanding or demanding. It was almost playful. Not like anything I had expected from her given my response. Then again, it was getting difficult to keep my eyes open. So without further protest, I closed them and let the sun win our battle.

* * *

 


	33. Sometimes it's better not to say anything 2987 BC

* * *

 

       There were times when I wished I could have been right and times when I was happy to be wrong. For Ru Shi’s sake, I had wanted to be right. Wanted my sister to know the same maternal pride and protectiveness I did. To look down at Ru Shi and want to see her happy and safe more than anything else in the world. Unfortunately, she looked to the girl as someone she could mold to protect our family.

       Yanyu let the girl decide for herself what was best with their training limits. A decision which left the young girl bruised, sore, and exhausted day in and day out. Sometimes, I would try to convince my sister that she shouldn’t let her push herself. Usually Yanyu ignored me. On occasion, she even brought our brother in, so she didn’t have to have the same argument over and over. Eventually, I gave up.

       Instead, I tried to take care of her myself. I encouraged Chen to spend time with her friend, despite the rough schedule Ru Shi kept herself to. Which backfired for me since Ru Shi started to teach Chen self defense and I suddenly found myself patching them both up. But, I admitted, it was better to be able to defend oneself than to be a powerless victim. I just hoped they would never need to use their skills.

       The time had finally come when I could stay awake in the day, though I still wasn’t nearly as mobile as my sister, I could cook and tend to the kids. Chen and Ru Shi would remain awake until around midnight or a little past and then sleep until the mid-morning. A healthy amount of sleep and a better time for humans to sleep than keeping them up all night and having them sleep through most of the day, which they had tried for a time after Feng had been turned.

       It wasn’t long after I was able to stay awake in the day that Feng was able to be awoken when the sun’s pull was strong. Thus, Yanyu finally began to make arrangements for our travels, then left us to speak with Qiang and let him know she would be away for a while. I couldn’t imagine she had enjoyed that visit, but she didn’t let on that it had bothered her. Still, Feng remained watchful and stayed very close to her side for a few days after her return.

       The night before we left, instead of picking a bloodwhore, Yanyu fed from some willing servants after they had packed our caravan and took her place inside the mobile tent. When it became obvious she wouldn’t explain herself, I decided to voice my curiosity.

       “Not bringing anyone with you?” I asked casually and glanced to my own bloodwhore.

       “There will be plenty to feed from when we get there,” she replied with a nonchalance that only strengthened my curiosity. After a prodding look from me, she continued. “We’re going to Atlantis where being something that feeds on humans isn’t forbidden so long as you don’t kill anyone. And I plan to sample around. I don’t want an extra human to feed if I don’t need to. And if something happens and I need to feed, I can always poof back here to feed and then return to wherever you guys are.”

       “You really enjoy teleporting, don’t you?” I shifted as the caravan began to move. Feng was in the back of the tent with Shai, my bloodwhore-- Chi, and the girls were doing there best to look out the tent opening, excited to begin our journey. I imagined within the next hour or so, they would become bored and fall fast asleep.

       “Yes, but there is enjoyment in traveling as well. Sometimes though, convenience and time call for the more immediate approach,” she explained, her gaze drifted to the girls. “Removing anyone from danger, for example. But I wouldn’t want to trust our lives to an unpracticed skill. Thus, I use it as often as I can, nurturing it and strengthening it. Eventually, I would be able to take all of us anywhere I have been and maybe even places I haven’t. But until then, I am confident that I can take one other person with me.”

       “Is there anything you do to relax?”

       “I could ask the same of you,” she retorted and leaned over to lounge across the tent floor. “You’ve taken up sewing clothing to fill the little free time you have between feeding and teaching the small ones. When I relax, this is what I do. I lay out and enjoy the company of those I love. Even when all I do is watch the rest of you go about your business. It’s relaxing to see all of you safe and content.”

       As she spoke, she had glanced around at all of us. My free time had become limited between trying to learn all the skills I felt a mother should know and actually raising my daughter and her friend. Despite her words, I knew she was also learning such skills as cooking and sewing, but the way she tried to deflect and make herself seem disinterested in such things was a little cute and a little annoying.

       “I find sewing relaxing. It’s generally filled with repetitive tasks that I can do while I let my mind wander,” I replied and made myself more comfortable. “Do you plan to continue training Ru Shi as hard once we get to Atlantis?” 

       “No, we’ve discussed it and she’s as skilled from my training now as she can be. She’ll keep practicing on her own and I’ll test her every few months to make sure she’s getting better and not losing her edge. It’ll help keep me in form as well. Besides, we want to keep our options for our time open. Who knows, might find an even better teacher while we’re there or perhaps even a little romance.”

       “Oh?” I couldn’t hide my intrigue, but the look on my sister’s face just earned silence from me for the rest of the night. She hadn’t meant for herself, but I never planned to move on from Jumoke.

* * *

 


	34. Preferences and connections matter 2987 BC

* * *

 

       We arrived at a dock where a strange boat was waiting for us and many other passengers. The ship pulsed with magical energy through strange markings carved into the wood. As best I could tell, the magic wasn’t dangerous. On the contrary, the enchantment felt warm, welcoming, protective. When I had spare time, I wanted to learn more about it.

       However, once our caravan was on board, my sister immediately made a ‘friend’ of the captain. Spending their time discussing the history of Blestemats while I saw to it our family was settled into our rooms below deck. If the captain liked her, our journey was likely to go smoothly.

       The rooms were we led to had lavishly decorated sleeping areas with large pillows and soft blankets spread on beds built into the wall for secure and comfortable sleeping. A few foldable tables were set up with games placed out and a basket of fruit on full display. After a small exploration, we found the water basins as well as doors which connected our three rooms.

       Our accommodations were luxurious considering the circumstances… suspiciously so. Yet, what could I do about it? If my sister had used her sire’s connections to get us passage in such comfort, should I really judge? After living in the safety and protection of his reputation for nearly two decades, I should have just accepted Qiang’s wealth as the source of our own, yet… that day, it made my skin crawl.

       “She went through Tsvetanka,” Feng spoke up, then placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. “I already asked her. Qiang doesn’t even know where we’re going. Just knows we’re going somewhere and that she’ll be back eventually.”

       I sent the children into Yanyu’s room to play games, so Feng and I could speak alone. Our bloodwhores followed after the girls to act as chaperones. It was an ever-growing concern that Chen would eventually inherit her aunt or uncle’s rebellious streaks.

       “Why does she tell you more than she does me?” I asked, my voice tired and strained. We sat on some of the larger pillows. I let myself sink deeply into the plush material… perhaps it wasn’t all bad to use our connections.

       “Because I do not try to change her,” he answered easily and upon seeing my disgruntled expression, continued quickly. “We both know how she is. How she could be, how she can be. I accept that she has decided how she will be. Nothing I can do or say will change the course she has set herself on. _You_ want her to be how you think she can be. A future mother, or even someone free to fall in love.”

       “And she can’t be?” I demanded, crossing my arms.

       “Doesn’t matter if she can or can’t,” he defended and ran the corner of the pillow between his fingers. “What matters is what she _wants_ to be. Stop pushing the maternal bond with Ru Shi and one might develop on its own. But as long as you keep insisting, she’ll resist. And shit, even if she never develops a motherly bond with anyone, what’s it matter? She has us. She’s content.”

       “But she deserves to be happy.”

       “Who are we to define her happiness?” Feng leaned into the pillow. With a smile, he added, “She looked pretty happy learning from that sailor. Just let her be. Take care of Chen, leave Ru Shi to Yanyu, and feed your blood whore regularly.”

       “Speaking of, will Shai be sharing your room?” I still wasn’t sure if I wanted Chi sleeping in my room or the other accommodations made for the servants.

       “Yes. If you want Chi to stay in there, I don’t mind her staying in the room with us. Then you two won’t worry about anything happening to the girls,” he mused, then held up a hand before I could speak. “I’m not worried about Chi. Even if she tries anything, Shai would kill her.”

       “You really trust Shai a lot, don’t you?” I asked, my voice soft.

       “Well… yeah. I’ve seen into her soul, I feed on her regularly. It’s not like she can hide anything from me,” he reasoned evenly. “And we get along, I enjoy her company. When you selected her, you did a really good job. I’m really all she has now, and it makes her protective.”

       “I’m glad it worked out for you.” I leaned forward and gently pat his knee. “And I would appreciate Chi staying with you. It’s not that I don’t trust her, I’m just… not comfortable with Chen being around my bloodwhore a lot. I don’t want her to get too attached or for anything to become confusing.”

       “Ah, you think she’ll think she has two moms,” Feng guessed with a wide smile.  “Are you only attracted to men?”

       “Are you attracted to men and women?” I retorted. “It’s not about her being a woman. Jumoke was Chen’s father. She doesn’t need another parent.”

       “Oh, that's what you're worried about,” he responded before readjusting against his pillow. “For the record, I haven’t met a man that intrigued me, but I’m not ruling all men out. I do seem to have a strong preference towards women.  And as far as I know, Yanyu’s preference is anyone interesting.”

       “Is this where I’m supposed to tell you my preferences?” I snipped at him, crossing my arms.

       “If you want to,” he replied, shrugging his shoulders. “It honestly doesn’t matter to me. You don’t want _anyone_ right now. I just… wanted to let you know. In case you ever wanted to share.”

       “Men,” I said softly and shook my head. “I assume. To this point, I had only passing curiosities and interests in boys my age until Jumoke. And I haven’t had any serious interest since him. But I guess, like you, I wouldn’t rule out someone of the same sex if I found them appealing enough.  For now, it really doesn’t matter because as you said, I don’t want anyone.”

       “The girls have started fighting over the game,” he commented and stood up. “I’ll break it up. Don’t push yourself,” he tried to reassure me. “If you only like men, then that’s that.”

       He left me sitting there to go and help my daughter and her friend. I closed my eyes, an image of the all too familiar, confident smile and deep brown eyes drifted through my vision. No, I didn’t need, I didn’t want anyone else. Not while I could still remember his smile.               

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for your interest and for reading Bast's Story. Feel free to leave your thoughts, feelings, or even both in the comments below. ^.^
> 
> I'm also accepting tag suggestions. Cause I don't know all the tags that may apply.


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